Chapter One

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          “Carter, can you still hear me?” I hear a faint voice that sounds so far away, but somehow I feel hot breath tickling my neck as the words leave his mouth.  I do not know where I am. I have never felt this way before; like my mind and body are two separate beings. My eyes will not even open when I try to open them, and none of my body will move.  

          “What’s happening?” I whisper under my breath, and even my voice does not sound like my own.  I expected it to reflect my current state of mind and come out confused and soft, but it instead sounds raspy and emotionless.

          “This is a thought experiment.  Upon your request, of course, we are going to program your brain to send you into an alternate reality, just to see how it goes.  We have already talked about your reasoning why you would like this procedure done, but you may not remember it.  Everything will come back in bits and pieces at some point before you enter the second reality, but once you are in it, you will remember nothing.”  He says solemnly and my heart races.  

          Why would I do this to myself?  Choose to live in a new reality and erase all my memories? How is this even possible? My mind races with so many unanswered questions and begs for something, anything at all, that can help me make sense of all this.  

          Suddenly, I see a flash of light like I am watching a movie on a projector inside my own head.  I hear a small childish voice and then a vaguely familiar scene forms in front of me.  The back of a small white house, whose walls are stained gray from age and neglect, and the grass below it is thin and a dying green.  A small girl comes in the picture with long red pig-tails and a white t-shirt under black over-alls. She is laughing and seems very happy about something, then an older boy steps into my line of vision with a paper mache mask painted to look like a green dragon-like thing.  He roars at her, and when she tries to run away from him, she trips on a tree root and stumbles to the ground.  The boy stands over her and offers her a hand, which she takes, but only to use it to pull him to the ground next to her.  He falls beside her with a thud, then they both burst into childish laughter and I am filled with an overwhelming sense of joy.

          That imagery blacks out then a new background forms in front of me of a hospital room and a hand is stretched out before me.  I can tell from the looks of it that it is the hand of an older woman, thin and pale.  In this vision, I feel like I am a part of  the scene instead of  an immobile bystander.  It is as though I am actually holding her hand in my own and I can adjust my view, whereas I could not before.  I look up and see a woman with dull brown hair and sweat dripping down her forehead as she takes deep, strangled breaths.  She is giving birth.  I can see everything in the room and the doctors at her feet, but I cannot hear any sound at all. It feels as though my ears have been stuffed with cotton.

 It is like I can never quite get the full memory I can only get a fragment of what once was; a piece to a puzzle I was unaware I was solving. In the first one I could only see a very limited area, and now I cannot hear.  The woman is in much pain, and I am almost glad I cannot hear anything.  I look down just as the doctors hold up the crying, bloody baby girl and a sense of warm happiness fills my mind.

          Once again my mind is filled with blackness and something new starts to build.  I am now in the middle of a messy apartment.  Clothes scatter the ground, school books litter the couch, and empty dishes fill the end table.  A young man enters the room and when he does my gut wrenches for an unknown reason. He looks upset and disheveled.  He has shaggy, blondish brown hair, and a tan complexion.  He looks up at me, “what are you doing up?” He questions, confirming I am able to hear this time.  For some reason I feel worried about him, as though I was concerned about whether he would come back or not.  I try to step towards him, but my feet are planted to the floor.  So this time I cannot move or feel.  “I was waiting on you,” I whisper back uncontrollably.  I did not even feel my mouth move, but somehow the words escaped my lips.  “Carter, I am so sorry about everything, and I want you to know…”

          Then everything is shut out again.  I am left with a curiosity burning inside of me as to what he would say next, but I know just like the other visions, this one is over.  This one is slightly different though, it is not like when the blackness would fill my eyes before the next memory this time.  This time is it simply empty and I wonder if the memories are done coming.  

          I do not want to leave this world.  It does not seem so bad from what I remember; I want to stay.  I will my mind to form the words to beg the doctor to let me go.  I do not want to go through with this anymore.  My mind is working just fine, but I cannot get my body to respond.

          Listen to me, I want out! I think to myself hoping somehow the doctor can read minds or anything really.  Panic floods my brain and I feel like crying, but I know I am unable to.

          All of a sudden, a whirring sound that I was unaware of before is gone.  Everything is eerily dark and silent.  I lay for a minute in complete loss and disparity, but in a split second an unimaginable pain takes over me, and unfortunately for the first time I am able to actually feel my body.  It feels as though I am being ripped from my insides out, like I am dying, but I am too unlucky to have death actually come to me.  Then it all stops.

I blink my eyes open, and I am nearly blinded by the blaring overhead light beaming down on me.  I attempt to sit straight up, but something is restraining my waist.  Slowly my eyes adjust to the bright blue lights and I realize I’m in some sort of hospital center.  I look to my right and an old man is leaning over the edge of my cot curiously.  I nearly jump out of my skin when I see him.

          “Why am I here? Who are you? Why am I being restrained?”  I demand as soon as my brain starts working again.

          “Wow, you really do not remember anything do you,” he speaks softly with an almost curious edge.  “You fell down a flight of stairs and got a horrible concussion.   I guess you really did inherit your grandmother’s clumsiness,” he says chuckling lightly.

          Anger flares inside me.  This is no laughing matter, I do not remember anything or anyone and this man has the nerve to sit here and mock me.  “This is not funny.  And you still have not answered my last two questions.”

          “Let’s get you cleared to get back home before we get into it,” he sighs heavily and exits the room to, I assume, find a doctor.  The second he leaves the room, I feel all of my energy drain out as my muscles relax and I slump back into the white sheets before being enveloped in darkness once again.

 

a/n hey guys i am back yayyy I am putting LFN on hold until my nanowrimo novel is done with editing and all then I will pick it back up(: ths is my novel I wrote during the month of November that I have adjusted to make into a fanfic(; I hope you all enjoy it and I will have very frequent updates since it is almost done(: so yeah thanks for reading and fir the patience(:  votes ad comments are appreciatted, love you all! xx

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