» Chapter 36

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---- [Proof god is dead] ----

T: It's not that he's evil. He just lacks empathy and goes into a dissociative state and commits atrocities

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R: Forgive me for I have sinned
R: I skipped leg day
W: I robbed a bank
D: you what?
W: Robbed a bank. A monopoly game got really intense.
D: No, I was talking to Roy
R: I know, it keeps me up a night.
R: The thought of what I've done...

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T: ᵀʰᵉ ⁿᵘᵐᵇᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᵃʳᶜʰ ᵒᶠ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ ˢᵉʳᵛᵉˢ ᵒⁿˡʸ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉᵐᶦⁿᵈ ᵐᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᵐᵒʳᵗᵃˡᶦᵗʸ
T: ᴵᵗ ᶦˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶦˢᵒˡᵃᵗᵉˢ ᵐᵉ
T: ᴵᵗ ᶦˢ ᵐʸ ᵒʷⁿ ᶠˡᵉˢʰ

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R: You haven't set your dad's house on fire?
D: Well that seems like a missed opportunity

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D: tea cakE tea tea tea cakE TEA

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T: well, at least patriot act is back

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D: his bag had alien pins on it until his last year of high school
W: jokes on you I still have alien pins on my bag
R: congratulations bitch, you played yourself

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T: wait why isn't Babs in our group chat :(
D: I asked and she said she'd "rather commit self-murder then enter that Hell."
R: making the right decision there

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D: wally, your bag meowed
D: why
W: Uhoh
W: looks like the cats out of the bag
R: How do I leave chat
R: Why is there no leave button

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D: do you ever feel so proud
T: what a pure soul
W: A truly respectable person.
R: THE AMOUNT OF DISRESPECT

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T: One time Dick and Roy were having a heated argument in the car and Roy took Dick's Queen tape out of the player and threw it out the window with rage and Dick looked him dead in the eyes and pulled out a second copy of that same tape and put it back in the player

---- [T -> J] ----

J: See, you can tell it's not a relevant picture because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals

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J: You might want to get out of the city tonight btw
T: y
J: I plan to burn it to the ground
T: k

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J: Sooo
J: How was your day as a superhero?
T: YOU FUCKING SHOT ME! THAT WAS MY DAY AS A SUPERHERO
J: I HAD TO
T: DID YOU!? DID YOU H A V E TO SHOOT ME?!

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J: People really be out here typen on those fuckin keys huh

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T: It's very easy to condemn from our vantage point in history and so we dO condemn! Wholeheartedly!

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J: You think your fucking cute, dontcha?
T: :)

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T: Hi brain, you obstinate fucker. I drank the clear splashy stuff. I ate the green things. I went under that bright fucker up there. I did the thing with the moving and sweating and whatnot. Now make the happy chemical, you lump of fuck.

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J: Why are you so anxious all the time?
T: It's the anxiety

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T: Did you bring your gun as I suggested?
J: Why would I bring a gun to our parent's house for Christmas dinner?
T: Is it in your coat?
J: Yes

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J: dangit
J: god
J: aHH
J: Ah shit!
J: no no no nonononono
J: bitch
J: shit
J: No! Damit
J: Fucking God
J: fUck
J: stupid
J: god damnit!
J: come on man
J: fuck
J: fuck
J: fucking God fuck
J: no
J: WHAT
J: GOD
J: NO
J: Fucking shit
J: whatever
J: oh
J: no
J: FUCK
J: no
J: FUCK
J: STUPID
J: No no no no
J: AHH
J: WHAT
J: What the fuck?
J: For fucks sake
J: Fucking come on
J: nope
J: NO
J: Don't fucking jump at me you piece of shit I'll fucking stab your parents

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T: Settle down Shakespeare, ur no Dr. Seuss

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J: I may have lost at uno but I'm still sexy

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T: just heard Dickie say "That hurt like a motherbitch and I hope that guy suffers in prison!" and I don't have any context but I agree

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J: As someone's who's died, I can tell you- you can't just keep faking your death every time you encounter an emotional situation you don't want to handle
T: Wanna bet?

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T: I'll have u know I'm bi, short for bitch

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J: rad so thats my cue to leave

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T: don't like salmon, it's too orange. I don't eat anything orange
T: Except for oranges, because they admit they're orange

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J: Roy: Archery is stabbing with social distance

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T: Didn't u have a crush on Roy for like 4 months tho
J: I DID NOT
J: THESE ARE LIES
J: he is my MORTAL ENEMY
J: i dream of SNEAKING INTO HIS HOUSE IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, KNIFE IN HAND
T: u LIVE WITH HIM
J: Hey wait though, didn't you have a crush on Roy for like 4 months while I was dead?
T: I DID NOT

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

J: Sorry, I was being sort of a dick.
W: We weren't going to say it
T: I was
D: we forgive you Jay! Come back to the manor :)
W: Are you just saying that bc you're bitter Jason beat you in a fight and you want a rematch
D: Yes
R: Jay's lived with me for 3 days and only tried to stab me twice so
R: he's a good roommate
T: what exactly is your scoring system for roommates?
R: it's a very complex

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W: SHOULD I CALL A DOCTOR??
T: Doctor who?
D: A love doctor?
J: Dr. Dre?
R: Dr. Disrespect
W: Dr. Phil
W: SHIT YOU GUYS HAVE GOT ME DOING IT

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W: Wario is a god
J: TOLD YOU GUYS
D: Not at MARIO TENNIS ON THE WII
J: MARIO TENNIS DOESN'T COUNT I CALL HACKS
T: Fuck all of you, Shy Guy for the win

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T: Should i buy it?
D: no
W: no
J: no
R: no
T:
T: sold

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T: Do y'all ever wonder who the best kisser in the chat is?
W: Its Dickie
J: Yeah true
R: no wtf it's me
D: I know <3, but why does it matter?
T: I have nothing else to think about but the certainty of death and the ever consuming darkness as my insomnia tortures me nightly
T: So just wondering
R: I guarantee I'm a better kisser than Dickie
D: Prove it
R: The fuck how do you want me to do that
T: KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS
D: Wally?
W: You go babe. Destroy him.
R: Your like 12
D: I'm 19?????
R: Understandable, come at me thot
D: Be ready bitch
T: BRO
J: He demolished what the fuck
R: good lord
D: I told you I'm the best
W: I don't quite believe you, care to show me?
D: You bitch that was smooth as fuck

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