In rememberance

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by ursula474

by ursula474

I can't remember what you felt like inside me
Kisses
Are sweet nothings
I remember the softest things about you
So
Kissing left me first
Memories of you are like candy floss
The hardness disappears and the softness is sticky and cloying and my brain

Do you know the lessons you taught me
I had to learn on my own
Write on my on
Bleed on my own
I graduated top of my class but
I've always known
That I'd be your easiest student

There's mistrust within you
It runs so clean
So sharp you could cut faith out of me
Could you
Carve out your name from me?

I doubt that it would be easy
Whoever left their name on you
Branded you
Birthed it in you
A Virgin Mary of disorder
She could not remove it from you

Remembering her must be painful
Like looking in a broken mirror and stabbing your eyes with the shards

Remembering you comes in waves
But I'm permanently underwater

But She
Is throwing me a lifeline
Like I did for you
Like you knew with me
It wasn't enough
It's a inside coldness
Darkness
Than even before Her lips are gone
Sinks in me

I tell everybody I'm happy
I'm happy
I am happy
I've sewn myself together with self love
I've knitted myself a sweater of self worth
I've brewed myself a cup of purpose and
I've given it a plate of protection to wash down
I'm happy

Though I do don't deny
The thread does not mean I do not have the scars
The sweater does not mean there isn't cold
The purpose does not mean I don't see my loss
The protection does not take away my fear

I want to remind you
That there is joy in you
Like there is joy in me
Because that's what we love about each other
Even if we're not loving each other
Your spark just lights mine

Remember that in the dark