Seeing Shane Gray ✓

fifteen | smile

*.*.*.*.*.*

October 10

"He doesn't deserve your tears," Racheal says to Riley who continues to wipe her face which is red from all the harshness. "Bury his thoughts away."

I don't speak, knowing it's not as easy as Racheal seems to think it is. Sometimes, burying someone's thoughts means burying a part of oneself. People who are so entwined with us take a part of us when they leave. For once, I know exactly how Riley feels. I might not have been in love with someone like her, but I've felt loss way too deep.

It's one thing I wish I didn't understand.

Riley didn't go to class yesterday either. Racheal and I sat beside her and listened to her cry and curse Carlos to her heart's extent. But when she refuses to stop crying today, we know we need to do something about it.

Dragging her toward Carlos' apartment, we plot her revenge on him. Throwing rotten eggs at his apartment is one option. Setting it on fire and watching it burn is another. Surprisingly, the second suggestion comes from Racheal who apparently has a much darker mind than we ever thought possible.

We decide to return to school without doing anything after all. It takes way too much courage to forgive and Riley isn't quite ready to do that yet, but walking away with her dignity intact is still better than being sent to jail for being a crazy ex-girlfriend seeking her revenge.

She doesn't want to take any classes today so Racheal and I take it in turns to miss out on ours and sit with her so she doesn't feel left out. When I take my last class of the day and return to our usual spot on the campus behind the building, Racheal and Riley are busy reading and rereading Riley's conversation with Carlos.

"I can't believe I fell for him," Riley says.

"He called you 'babe'," Racheal says as if that has more meaning than anything else in the world. "That is such a cliché player move, Riley, how could you not know?"

Riley doesn't answer, looking sadly at her phone. I can see helplessness in her demeanor and don't speak. She might be hiding most of her pain behind being dramatically teary and mostly angry but I can see it's only a coping mechanism for her. As crazy as it might seem, she actually fell for Carlos in the small span of time they spent together. It might not be love but it's damn near close.

Racheal stabs her pen into my thigh and I jump, crying out in pain. I'm about to ask her what the hell she's thinking when I see her staring wide-eyed at something behind me. Half expecting to find a zombie about to chew my face off, I turn around to see Shane Gray standing over me in all his gentlemanly glory.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" he asks, his face uncharacteristically serious.

I swallow hard, uncomfortable under his gaze. I have no reason to be awkward. Somehow, though, knowing he's here to talk to me about something that's not a joke for once is unnerving.

"I'll be right back, guys," I mumble to Riley and Racheal, getting to my feet.

My friends stare at me with dumbfounded expressions, their eyes wide and mouths agape. I shake my head at them as Shane turns away and begins to limp away from us. I follow him, burying my hands in my hoodie pockets because I'm somewhat worried about what he might say. Honestly, I'm more afraid he's going to try and defend what Carlos did. I don't know how I'll feel if Shane turns out to justify his friend to me.

Walking around the building and toward the football grounds, I follow Shane as he leads me towards the bleachers. He doesn't glance back to make sure I'm following. Either he's sure I'm here or he doesn't care. I think it's the former explanation.