𝐍𝐎𝐍-𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒

Who'd want to be man of the people when there's people like you?

When?

I wondered that question every day since that day. I felt ridiculous, almost ashamed by how quickly I let him sneak into my brain. I hoped the night of the Awards could help with the distraction.

As we walked around the crowds of celebrities and entourages, the non-stop clicks from the cameras accompanied us. Me and the boys loved red carpets.

We've been nominated for Best New Act, but we didn't really care if we won. We couldn't care less about awards. We didn't need a prize to confirm we were a great band. We couldn't care less about all those celebrities attending or their picture-perfect lives. Award shows were a game for us, an open bar, a free buffet, that's why we loved them. And we loved to flatter ourselves. I walked the carpet in my little white dress, my face glowing thanks to my highlighter.

Once inside the venue, me and the boys took our seats, waiting for the show to begin. Jeremy, our manager, was with us. He was only 26, Keith's best friend since high school. He was often polemical and buzzkill, but we needed him to keep us centred.

I looked around. I couldn't fangirl too much, I was a sucker for old artists and not particularly into the new scene of music industry. Of course, there were some exceptions. I freaked out when I saw Clairo and Sam Fender.

"Are you searching for someone?" Alex asked.

"Not really"

Actually, I was looking for Matty. I knew he was gonna be there here, and he was gonna perform.

I had gotten no texts from him since the march for climate change. I was a modern and proud woman, so I thought "well, if you want to talk to him and he doesn't text you, you should do it". But truth was: I said I didn't care about anything and anyone all the time, but at the end of the day, I didn't have the guts to do it. And he had a girlfriend. I admit, I did my researches about him and Twigs, but all I found was a couple of articles that assumed they were dating but nothing confirmed. And I wasn't the insicure type, but shit, Twigs was fascinating, like she belonged to another planet. I sighed. I hated to question my confidence for a guy, and more than that I hated to compare myself to another woman.

Maybe I was only high. Maybe smoking a blunt before the show wasn't the best idea. I thought I could handle it just fine, only then I realized what I just smoked wasn't the same shit I used to smoke in the suburbs of Rome. This was high quality shit.

"Hey, do we look stoned?" I asked my friends, whispering so Jeremy wouldn't hear me.

"No, man" Charlie replied, his eyes red.

"Not even close" Keith added, looking vacant.

"And the winner is... Afterdream"

Me and Alex glanced at each other. We've never really left each other's side the past year. Alex had been usually working on a rhythm or a chord progression, then took those ideas to me, giving me recordings of his guitar compositions, over which I wrote words and vocal melodies. It was such an unusual way of writing, like a forced intimacy. You have to feel a strong connection to match with the other's style. Charlie and Keith later came to give their input, making the song an authentic Afterdream tune, but it was mostly me and Alex, me and him, building and creating the songs about what we were, what we loved, what we feared. We glanced at each other, joined our hands and reached the stage, followed by our friends.

When I held the award in my hands, it felt so good, but I would never admit it. I came from a modest family. The house where we used to live, we were still paying for it. I wasn't used to that world of luxury and awards. And now I was here. Not specifically on this stage, in front of these people. Here was the reality I've built with my band, the songs we wrote, the fans who supported us. Here was a very nice place.