Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

4th of May

School today was even more lonely than usual. Everything about today upset me, to tell you how bad my breakdown was, well, my mum gave me a vegemite sandwich without cutting the sandwich down the middle. No biggie usually because everyone knows not to trust mum with food. ( I think I get that from her) and I nearly cried my eyes out during my first break. But no, the crying didn’t happen until lunchtime.

The day started off normally, I didn’t see Daniel for the first two periods because im not in he’s class for Sport. I spent the two lessons complaining of period pain. Which was a lie, but the male teacher didn’t want to start an argument with someone during ‘that time of the month’ and to be honest, I think I would have started a fight in the mood I was in.

I went to first break with my lunch and as you know, I neally had a nervous breakdown. But I guess that wasn’t the only thing that happened during my break, no something I thought I’d never see for as long as I lived.

It was the first time I’d seen Daniel actually voluntarily play football with Lucas and he’s mates. Wait, scratch that, it was the first time I’d ever seen him hold a football and it’s the first time I’d seen him today. I didn’t even know if he turned up today, but I guess I didn’t see a reason for him not to come, but during the whole game, (which to say it kindly, he sucked at the game.) he didn’t even look my way. I thought he would have at least giving me some sort of recognition that I was there or something, but no. nothing. It’s not like he didn’t know where I was sitting, cause I sit at that tree every single day. Rain or no rain. (bealive it or not the tree had the best weather protection in the whole school. Minus the ants.)

I must admit though the thing that cheered me up during that hour was he’s bad skills at football. He’s hand eye co ordination was so bad that the guys on he’s team learnt not to pass him the ball at all. I had to hide my face behind my book to keep from laughing like a hysterical maniac. That was a terrible long lasting dreadful hour but I guess Daniel did kind of look cute when he was helpless….at the times I wasn’t staring and Lucas of course!

Again Daniel wasn’t in my single class for French, but unfortunately Amy and her clones we’re. of course I was in the front and even though they were sitting in the back you could hear every single word that came from their lip glossed lips. I started listening when I heard Lucas's name, they didn’t say anything I didn’t already know, just 20 minutes of Amy bragging about how much of a great kisser Lucas was, and etc. But than I cringed when I heard Daniels name. At first they were saying how cute he was and how smart he was and than they were saying parts they didn’t like, almost like they were picking every tiny thing out of a high calorie salad, they started pointing out everything they didn’t like about him. it was disturbing to hear. I have proudly never been in a conversation as near as harsh as that, and as long as I live I don’t plan to. But I guess that’s the reason I’m a nerd, and some psycho equation to why I’m not like them… wannabe supermodels!

When the bell finally rung for the next class (English) I nearly ran the way. I just wanted to be near someone nice, like Daniel. But when I arrived in class he hadn’t turned up yet. I took my usual spot at the front of the class and patiently waited for him to come. Of course I was one of the first at the classroom so it took a while for everyone to come, sit down and settle before the class could start. I was already writing the notes for the lesson from the bored and into an already falling apart cheapo work book when i heard him walk in the door. He apologized for being late to the teacher, who just nooded and told him to take a seat. I turned to smile at him but he’s body was walking in the opposite direction. Towards he’s friends. He left me sitting there, a loner once again. I didn’t know what to do so for the whole lesson the only place I could look was my book. I stared at it so intently trying not to let Daniel’s actions hurt me, but of course staring down the tiny, tiny, tiny dots in paper isn’t exactly the happiest feeling to have while feeling low. For the second time in a week I left the classroom without my home work. (gosh im beginning to like this habit, next step up-Juvenile Delinquent….Yay- sarcasm).

At lunchtime my stomach was tied up in knots of emotional feelings. I’m not use to everything being out of sync, and I realized that without Daniel it was. As I was walking out of the corridor to make the journey to ‘my spot’ Daniel was walking down the  halls by himself, towards me. At least I thought he was. I was ready to shoot about a thousand questions at him and telling him he was being a jerk, (for a reason I didn’t know about). When he didn’t even glance in my direction but turned and walked the opposite way to me, the exact direction he had just come from. I stopped walking. I mean I literally stopped walking. I just stood there like a deer in headlights. I couldn’t bealive it!

Suddenly the corridor was deserted and thank god because even if I tried my hardest I wouldn’t be able to stop the first tear from rolling slowly out of my wet eye. I made my way to the girls toilets and thankfully I didn’t meet anyone along the way. As soon as I was in the safe haven of a girls cubicle I let all the tears flow. I know, sounds very American movie like right? well, anything is better than crying in front of people, even if they didn’t care what I was crying about. Suddenly I heard girls burst into the toilets, talking about some band or another and I tried my best to limit my crying. Than I heard the name again.

“so what do you think is going on between Daniel and that girl, what’s her name again?” a chirpy voice asked her companiens.

“isn’t her name like Madeline or Maddison, or something?” another voice asked.  I stood there, in the confined space of my cubicle, trying so hard to yell out ‘MY NAME IS MARYANN!’ but I didn’t want them to know I was eavesdropping.

“Well I don’t know, but he must be a free agent, since he hasn’t gone anywhere near her all day!” A third voice pointed out.

“Chrissie, don’t tell me you’ve been people stalking again, do you remember what happened last time?” the chirpy of the first one said. Okay, that’s not just a little bit creepy…..than I realized that I’ve been ‘in the toilet’ longer than a usual toilet visit should go. But thankfully when I finaly had the guts to walk out of the cbicle the last girl just closed the girls toilet door. I didn’t know why but I had the urge to wash my hands. I replayed the ‘stalker girls’ comment in my head over and over again.

“Well I don’t know, but he must be a free agent, since he hasn’t gone anywhere near her all day!” the first one was not so suprising because, well, if he’s turned down girls offers to date him and ditechs lucas to hang with me at lunch times, than I see the whole dating thing. But what stuck was the ‘….he hasn’t gone near her all day!” part of her comment.

Than it dawned on me, I was standing at my locker collecting my history books, dreading sitting by myself again, when I saw what she meant. He walked down the corridor right past me. when i know that even in peripheral vision he would have seen me. I gave him a slight wave but he made no movement to return the same action.  It was like he wasn't just ignoring me (for an unknown reason) but he had been in every way possible avoiding me, at recess he was playing sport, (when he can’t play sport) just so he doesn’t have to sit with me. He didn’t even look in my direction for English and sat with Lucas’s group and walked the way he came from in the hallway. This time it wasn’t tears that were in my eyes. It was red blazes of anger.

What is he’s excuse for avoiding me? I know for a fact I’ve done nothing wrong!

I slammed my locker shut. I was sure it was going to fall off it’s hinges, than I almost felt sorry for the locker. Sad I know? But understand today was an emotional day, okay?

The last two periods we’re just like the 3rd and 4th, he sat with Lucas’s group of friends. I thanked god that for once I was angry because I knew if I wasn't I would feel empty.

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