Facing Demons

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Today was the first day back, Champ had school and Techno rode his bike here. It took him 2 hours to make a 30 minutes drive, because he stopped so much.

Looking at his therapist, he realized  that this had gotten easier. He felt secure in my relationship enough again to pull out his demons.

" I didn't say no that night" were the first words out of him mouth.

" I really thought I was with Champ, in my drunken mind I wanted this. But how could I mix them up? They look nothing alike" whispered Techno

" The confusion of mixing them up, my brother selling me out planning this with his friend, the guilt, self hate and overall embarrassment of this cuts me so deep every time I think of it" said Techno

He did not even realized he was crying  silent tears until she passed him some tissues.

"Champ also went to therapy, he thinks I don't know but I saw a work sheet one day and I knew. He blamed himself for that night, until this pass two weeks I always thought he stayed with me out of pity, not love".

" Throughout this whole ordeal, the thing that hurt the most is my brother's actions. How could he sell me out for favors, girls and things"?

"Didnt I rate more as his brother"?

" I also thought of taking my own life, it was all planned out, but Champ and Type found me first".

" The feeling of helplessness has not gone away, and having my choices in this matter taken away".

" Also something I am very ashamed of also, I always thought Kla was a cute kid maybe if he approached me in a different way and made transparent his intentions this would never had happened".

" But now I have to live with this forever, I can never forgive him because he took something that was never supposed to be his in the first place".

" As for my brother, I think he broke something in me. I cannot forgive nor forget that. It has had too much of an impact on my life".

"However, I will give him the change to start again. He will always be my brother but he has lost all my truth and faith".

"Don't ask me to forgive him, for I cannot. Don't ask me to forget this, because I cannot also".

"Yes it seems am holding onto all my anger and pain, someday I hope it becomes less for the sake of our family I will try but not yet, am still healing mentally".

"Another thing is that Kla see this like no big deal, like we should be in a relationship now. He has not shown any remorse. I also still cannot believe my brother is still friends with him, I saw them together two weeks ago".

"Techno, what do you want from your brother and Kla"? Asked the Therapist

" I want an apology, true remorse and to be told why by both of them".

"What will you do if you never receive either from them Techno? Will you hold on to the anger and hate your currently feeling"?

"If I don't get a sincere apology from my brother, he is dead to me. Not the trying to cover himself apology he has been leaving on my phone because he is scared".

"As for Kla he is dead to me".

"I also need to talk to Champ, tell him what I have been feeling and thinking".

" My sleep has come easier, it's the dreams I get sometimes that keeps me awake".

"With time somethings fade, as time passes you will have days, weeks, months even years when you don't think of this" said the therapist

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