Chapter 4

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Noel's Point Of View

Have you ever wonder what it feels like to be depressed? It sucks, badly. I have no intention on being happy whatsoever. There's no reason to be happy. I lost the one person that makes me happy. If he ain't here, I'm not happy. I've always wondered how people feel alive, when I feel like I'm barely breathing.

That Luke guy came by. He found out my address from Lauren. She may be sweet, but gets on my nerves. Who doesn't get on my nerves?

But, I'm determined to stay away from that Luke guy. Why? Because I don't want to get attached and be broken, even though I already am. He reminds me of Landon. Same hair, same eyes, the same height. I thought it was Landon for second, but it wasn't. I was about to scream at Lauren's house. So, I don't want another version of Landon when I couldn't get over the person himself.

His death killed me. I couldn't take it. I don't even know why he did it. It was the night before I told him my feelings for him. He was my best friend.

Was. That's a strong word. He was my best friend. He was here. I want it to be is. He is here. He is my best friend. Scratch that. He is my boyfriend. I'm in love with him. And now I'll never love again.


"So how are you today?" Kayla asked me.

I shrugged and I looked at her. Kayla slumped and she looked at me.

"Noel, I really want to help you," She said. "It pains me that I'll never help you because you won't talk to me. Is something I've said? I cou-"

"Shut up," I snapped.

Her eyes widen. "Excuse me? I hope I didn't he-"

"Shut the fuck up. I don't want you helping me, okay? I don't like you. I despise you. You act like prissy, stuck-up Barbie doll. I don't fucking care if you kick me out, I don't want to be here in first place. Tell my aunt. I don't fucking care. Report me. I don't care. This is bullshit."

I threw her clipboard on the ground. I slammed the door open and walked out. I slammed the door to the waiting room open and my aunt looks up. I rolled my eyes at her and I ran out of the building.

"Noel!" She yelled. "Noel, get back here! Noel Annabelle Dawson!"

I screamed and I turned around. "What do you want?! Go ahead and talk my fucking head off! I don't fucking care. I don't want to be here! This place is shit. That therapist is shit! Everything is shit! My mom is sending me to start a new life? Fuck that! She made it worse. Worse than it is. I jus-"

Aunt Cathy ran over to me and wrapped me in a hug. I violently sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's okay," She whispered. "Take deep breaths."

"I just want him back.." I sobbed.

"I know you do, honey. We all want him back. I want my niece back. I'm so sorry this happened. I'm not trying to pity you. I'm trying to help you. Why don't we go home and relax? Take a nap or see if Lauren is home. I just want to take the stress off your shoulders."

I nodded my head and Aunt Cathy helped me into the car and we drove back home.


We pulled up into the driveway and I got out. I told her I wanted to sit on the porch. She nodded and went straight inside. I sat down.

Depression has effected me. After what happened with Aunt Cathy, I'm pretty sure it's going to effect our relationship. She's the only one here and I have to work with that. I don't want to end up with no one. I don't want to be happy, but I don't want to be alone.

"Hey, are you okay?" Luke asked, walking up to me. "Your eyes look really puffy."

"It's my mood swings," I said. "I'm not comfortable talking about that."

"I'm cool with that. I won't push you. Are you okay, though?"

"It's hard to be."

"I kinda get what you're saying. I've been through it. I promise it'll get better."

"It won't."

"My friends and I are hanging out at Calum's house tonight. You wanna join? It's not a party or anything. I'll tell Ashton to bring Lauren over."

I thought about it. Maybe it's good for me to get out.

"Uh, sure. I don't know where he lives, though."

"I'll pick you up."

"Sounds great. I'll see you in a little bit."

"Alright, bye Noel."

I watched as the blue-eyed boy walk away. And now I'm alone.

I enjoyed his company.



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