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Ring...Ring...Ring. What the hell is that noise? Opening my eyes to the sun blasting at me, pushing the mess of hair out of my face. And looked around the empty living room, I'm right where I went to sleep last night after many more glasses of wine.
And I would never recommend sleeping on an air mattresses to anyone especially if your going to wake up with a wine hangover. It hurts like a bitch in the morning.
Pulling out of my foggy thoughts and reached for my phone, pressing the answer button.
"Hello" I answered, still half asleep, sitting up while waiting for a reply.
"Sweetheart how are you holding up.... are you sad? Do you need to talk because I'm here for you..."I hear my mother ramble down the other end of the phone, shaking my head and sighed.
I love her I do but it's too early for her questions or her unwanted advice which is probably coming any moment now.
"Mom...MOM" I yelled a little down the phone before adding,
"I'm fine, how are you today?" I asked knowing that she's probably still heartbroken about Nan.
Nan's funeral was a few days ago back in Philadelphia, unfortunately I couldn't get the time off work to attend it, which broke my heart.
She was always there for me, and these last few years since living in California and school, then work I wasn't there for my Nan and now that will always be a regret of mine, that I lost touch with her.
"It's hard but I'm getting there..." Mom trailed off with sadness in her voice.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there mom, I really wanted to be, but you know my boss"
Which is true my boss at the hospital is a hard ass, she's the demon from hell as me and my co-workers call her. How she got the job of being in charge of the children's ward is beyond on me.
"It's okay honey I know, we understand, also you've had a lot to sort through these last few weeks"
Shaking my head to myself and sighed, it shouldn't matter what I have going on in my own messed-up life. I should have been there to help support my family through this painful time.
"It doesn't matter, I still should have been there for you and dad" I argued.
My mom has just lost her mom, I hate myself that I couldn't be a shoulder for her to cry on these last few days, I'm her only child and she's been there for me my whole life, I should have at least been there for her this time around.
"Listen to me Victoria..." She began saying in her mom voice using my full name.
"I'm your mother which means I worry about you, not the other way around. I know you will come and visit as soon as you get things in order. Speaking off that do you have a plan?" Mom asks me,
just as I get up to walk around the empty house with nothing but boxes and covered up furniture waiting in the hallway to be picked up.
"I do actually, I'm going to put all my furniture and stuff in storage for now. And just stay with Grace until I figure out my next move" I replied.
Last night I spoke to Grace who was more than happy to let me stay with her. I think it gives her some comfort too, especially with what she's been through the last few years.
Then I made arrangements with the movers and rented a storage unit. It's not the best plan I have but it's the only one I've got right now.
And I hate that it's this way, not having a place to call my own anymore. But I know that it's not going to be like this forever, juts until I find a place to call home once again but this time on my own and without the need for a man.
I'm a strong independent woman who knows what she's worth and a cheating jackass isn't it. I have a job that I love, I love being a nurse on the children's ward, and doubling that as a midwife. I have an awesome best friend in Grace , and I have my parents, I just wish Nan was here too.
"Just remember you always have a home here with us, you know. You can come and stay with dad and I for as long as you want"
Shrugging my shoulders as I listen to her words, I love my parents and I love the house I grew-up in. But Philadelphia hasn't been my home for a really long time, and as much as I appreciate my parents and what they've done for me and still do for me now and for the support they show me.
I don't see a life for myself back there, and right now I'm not sure I see a life for myself in California either. But I guess it's something that I can sort out along the way, I think.
"I know mom, I really appreciate it. But I'm not ready to make a big decision right now" I sighed hoping she will understand, my mother has been trying to get be to move back home for years.
"I know sweetie...I just wanted you to know that we're here for you"
"Thanks for understanding mom." I replied getting ready to hang up, but only for her to speak at the last moment.
"Oh, I almost forgot, Nan's lawyer needs to speak to you about something in her will. Apparently, Nan give him permission in her will to disclose that information to you, either over the phone or video-chat" Mom explains,
"Okay can you send me their contact info please? I will give them a call"
"Will do honey, love you" I heard mom say before she ends the call between us.
Shaking my head and sighed sadly, I don't know how my mom is so strong right now. Her and Nan were close, and they had the perfect mother/daughter bond.
And now that Nan is gone, I can't imagine the heartache she's going through at this moment, but she still puts on a brave face to make sure I am okay, my mom is my rock because she learnt from the best herself.
I still can't believe Nan is gone, it's surreal you know. I wish I could talk to her again, hear her words of wisdom that she always had for you in any situation.
And I know that she would have a lot to say on the Jeremy situation, and not all the wisdom would be PG language. Nan never did like him, she told me on several occasions to kick his arrogant ass to the curb and I should have listened.
Me, mom, nan and Mia we were always close, we were the only women in our family. I mean Mia's mom wasn't around much, and Nan wasn't really a fan of her daughter-in-law if we're being honest.
And she didn't really treat Mia like a mother should treat they're daughter regardless after what she did to me, I can't have that much sympathy for her anymore.
Anyways my point is Nan she was kind of the glue in our family, and now that she's gone, I'm not sure if we will ever be as close as we all once were.
Pulling out of my thoughts as I hear the phone ringing, picking it up just as my eyes lock on Mia's name-calling. Shaking my head and declined the call, Mia has been trying to ring me since I found out about the affair, even more since we lost Nan, but I can't talk to her I just can't.
You don't have an affair with your cousins fiancé right under her nose, in her own home. Then still continue that affair when your cousin finds out, and still expect to be classed as family.
Which is what Mia is doing, she thinks all this sadness now that Nan is gone is going to bring us back together as a family. And it's not going to, I don't want to hold a grudge and I don't want to be bitter.
But right now, I am angry, hurt and really pissed off. And I'm not sure if I will ever be able to speak to her again, but for now that's a story for another time because I need to focus on myself and heal my heart first, and figure out my own path in life now that I'm starting all over again.
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