» Chapter 27

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---- [T -> J] ----

T: baby it was so cool?? I jumped in there and he was all like "KNIFE TO MEET YOU" and he stabbed me and I was like Woah!! nice one!!
J: You got stabbed?
T: well ya but like HE MADE A PUN

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J: Sick brain says:  "... does fire have weight?"
T: smart boy says the gases that react to make the fire have weight, but the fire itself is energy and therefore does not have weight as we measure it.
J: Cold medicated brain thanks mister smart boy for his service

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T: Who would win? Remy (the rat from Ratatouille) or Stuart Little
J: Stuart Little
T: that's fucking horse shit and you know it! Stuart Little? That stupid fucking mouse?? I asked this as a joke mocking Stuart because I knew no one in their right mind would choose Stuart, honestly, that little CGI shithead is an insult to anthropomorphic characters everywhere. that freeloading mouse wouldn't be able to contribute one cent to society while Remy is making bank at a top scale restaurant in Paris. plus Remy would take one swing and Stuart would already be on the ground crying and then he'd start crying harder about his parents leaving him and how nobody picked him for the basketball team take a hint dude

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J: Timmy, listen. We may not both make it out of this.
T: what?
J: If you die, I think I'm prepared to live with that. I've practiced it a lot. But there's also a chance you might survive and I won't.
T: Our odds would be a lot better if you'd help me defuse this bomb instead of texting me
J: In case I don't make it, I can't help but think of all the future mistakes you're gonna make that I'm not gonna be there to scream at you about.
T: Oh stop, I'm getting all teary-eyed.
J: I just wanna let you know that back in my room, there's a recorder deck. I've pre-recorded about 57 hours of rants that should be applicable in a variety of situations. Whenever you're feeling good about yourself, I want you to play one. And always remember, somebody hates you.

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T: You arrive at a gate with two guards.
T: Guard one says, "Halt, traveller." You obey.
T: He goes on, "You must solve our riddle to pass." You nod. You've always been fond of riddles.
T: The second guard sighs, and mumbles something under his breath. You think he must not like riddles.
T: The first guard ignores his companion and tells you, "ONE of us only tells the truth. The other only tells LIES."
T: Before you can think of an answer to his riddle, the second guard turns sharply and says, "Jesus Christ, Timmy, I said I was sorry."
T: The guards are actually just two dudes and they're dating. it's the 20th century. Jason is a liar.
J: IT WAS ONE LIE
T: A LIE THAT LIVED SEVERAL MONTHS
J: YOU KNEW THE WHOLE TIME
T: YA, BUT YOU STILL LIED

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J: You look tired
T: Thanks, it's the depression

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T: Is revenge a science or an art? Asking for a friend

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J: Well shit. That was one hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didn't really need solving. But damn if it didn't just get solved so nice work

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T: Treat me like a princess if ur gonna call me one!!
J: I'm sorry baby, but for the good of my comrades and my country, a monarchy cannot stand

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