» Chapter 23

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T: The thing about Those White People Baby Names is the way they so poetically express the tension between individuality and ridged conformity. These parents all want to name their kid something unique because they value the concept of uniqueness, yet simultaneously they abhor it in practice... ergo, 30 different spelling variations on the most normative names possible. This homogeneity-masquerading-as-diversity is inseparable from capitalist consumer culture and is in fact directly analogous to the experience of walking into a grocery store and being asked to "choose" between 50 varieties of toothpaste with the same exact ingredients, 12 brands of laundry detergent, etc. And while you could argue that in economics having 12 different brands is a good thing because it prevents monopolies and high-prices with no alternatives, the fact is that that isn't true; those 12 companies are owned by 3 parent companies and slowly raise prices over time either way, and that's without even going into labour rights or how over-production hurts the environment

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J: HOW can you SAY that

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T: Can ur ""science"" explain why it rains?? Didn't think so. That's cause its black magic

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J: There's a new virus going around
J: it's called "Feelings"
J: Don't catch it

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T: powermove: when someone says they like your shoelaces give them your shoelaces
T: alternatively, actually steal the president's shoelaces, but deny it

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J: Why are you here?
T: I simply do not vibe with my father

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T: my body is not a temple, it's Luigi's mansion

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J: Listen, TIM
J: my emotions have three outlets
J: haughty silence
J: uncontrollable rage
J: and alcoholism, ok? So shut the fuck up and pick one

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T: If I have twin daughters, I'll name one Kate
T: And I'll name the other "DupliKate"
T: If I have twin boys, I'll name one Pete.
T: The other will be RePete

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J: Hey Timmy, you dumb bitch! Gimmie an oyster shell and you might not be killed!

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T: My modus operandi is dial up the suicidal and break the knob off

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J: If the apocalypse comes, beep me

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T: She irons her jeans! She's evil!

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J: It's not the closets fault you exited before the fashion sense could come out with you

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T: oh you love me?? name 3 meds that didn't work for me

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