The Breakup [brollins]

twenty-two

I put down my phone when I realized someone was standing in front of me, trying to block the beautiful view my eyes caught that I was attempting to take a picture of. I tried my best to hide my smile when I met his eyes.

The look on his face as he stared at me was different than usual. A lack of happiness, I should say. Even though I would have liked to think that Seth and I were friends—even something more—by now, he still had these mood swings with me. I feared that once our storyline was over, he wouldn't talk to me, and all the intimate moments we shared would just disappear. After hearing all of the rumors about him, it sounded like it would end that way, no matter how different he treated me compared to others. We didn't have much in common, but the chemistry between us was bipolar. But between the sweet and sour moments, I was always confused with him. It seemed that one wrongdoing could make whatever we had between us go back to the start.

"Are you ready for Sunday?" I asked him as we continued our Iowa hike. His eyes were focused on mine so concentratedly that I thought he was trying to read my mind. He nodded. Whenever he would speak, it felt unexpected. "What about you?"

I nodded in return, furrowing my eyebrows at his intense concentration on me. After a while of hiking in silence, we made our way back to his car and drove off, also in silence. I wondered where we were headed to since we drove past where we would turn to go to his house.

We both looked at the street in front of us in silence. I gave him a side glance when we made our way into the city. I wondered if he had a certain destination in mind, or if we were just driving around. I turned back to look outside my window as we stayed in silence. The more time I spent with Seth, the more I realized the silence between us wasn't awkward, yet comfortable.

After the longish drive, I noticed we were in the middle of nowhere. I looked behind me to see the city, but he kept driving. "What are we doing?" I asked him.

"Why does it matter? Just let loose," he replied after shooting me a half glance. "Let's just keep on driving."

I furrowed my eyebrows before focusing my eyes on the street in front of me. I looked at the time and noticed we had about an hour until sundown. I smiled at him, nodding at his words. I hoped that soon enough we would talk about what we were, if we were anything at all.

"You act like you're so cool, but you seem like you're much more alive," I commented, regretting it right as it left my mouth, "it can be a little unsettling."

Seth's gaze concentrated on me for a second as he licked his lips. "You don't know me."

I widened my eyes, not expecting that response since I haven't gotten one like that in a while. "I know that you're more than what you put out," I said, implying everything he's done to treat me differently than others. I looked at him attentively as his eyes focused on driving.

"What else makes you so sure?" He asked curiously.

"You actually talk to me," I said quietly, trying to end the tense conversation, "you usually keep quiet with other people."

"So do you," he quickly replied, surprising me that he kept the conversation going. I bit my lower lip and moved my eyes away from him to hide the smile that was appearing on my face. I then changed my position to where I was facing him, pulling my left leg up onto my car seat.

"Do you listen when you stay silent?" I asked him, continuing the conversation as he wanted. He hesitated before nodding, as if he was trying to tell me he only sometimes did. I had never wanted to keep talking to him so badly. It was the way he looked at me when I talked... as if I was the only thing in the world, even when he was driving. I realized that even with our uneventful conversations, I loved talking to Seth. The friendship between us consisted of things I had never liked or did before, but do now.

I smiled at him, and he did the same before a small chuckle escaped both our throats. The realization that we were becoming more comfortable came to my mind, giving me peace in the pit of my stomach. I shifted closer to him, surprising myself when I gave him a quick peck on the cheek. I wanted so badly to ask him all of my questions, but I felt weak when I was near him. He was the lion and I was the lamb.

He smiled at me before closing the distance between us when approaching a stop sign.

- - -

I frowned as we later walked into his house around midnight, sad that I had to go to my guest room and be separated from Seth. For some reason, I didn't want to be. Even if we were in the same house, had spent the whole night talking, and will spend tomorrow together, I didn't want to be away from him.

"I don't wanna go to my room," I mumbled, hoping he wouldn't have heard me as my thoughts went out my mouth. Seth turned his head towards me slightly as he pets Kevin, making me realize he heard me. "Why not?"

"I don't know," I replied, looking down at my feet, "it's lonely."

Seth responded with a hum. I tried to distract myself as I made my way up the stairs to get ready for bed, but my mind was filled with Seth. Anytime I had a good time with him, the overthinking would start. How could he like me, if he did at all? What did he see in me, if he saw anything at all? I figured it would end when the storyline did, but uncertainty always clouded over me. If we were friends or more was also a pending thought I had but was too weak to bring up around him. I found it funny how some blunt things I could blurt out, but others I couldn't.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize I stopped in front of Seth's room. I looked up, turning around until I noticed Seth was in front of me.

His hand fell flat against the door to his room, leaning in closer to me. I leaned back to refrain myself from getting caught in his trap, trying to hold myself on the door until I accidentally pushed the door handle down, revealing ourselves to his room. He reached out his hand to my waist, pulling me closer to him. I didn't know what was going on in the moment or how the silence led us here, but I felt like we had a magnetic force to each other at that moment. He led me over to his bed. He sat down on it, but I hesitantly stood in front of him.

I blinked a couple of times to try to snap me out of my eyes locked on his lips, wanting to attempt to ask him the questions burning in my brain before I did anything more with him. I was surprised when his eyes stayed on mine as if he knew I needed to say something. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stepped between his legs as I pressed my forehead against his, unable to find any words to say due to our closeness. It felt right, though.

I tried to resist it, I tried to hold back, but I couldn't help myself from leaning in and pressing my lips to his. Air escaped our noses as he deepened the kiss, making me melt against him. I wanted to slap myself for giving in to him, but at that moment it was what we wanted...

What we needed.

I broke the kiss shortly after, though, keeping my eyes closed as I detached myself from him. A slight frown appeared on his face as I stepped back and his fingers left my waist.

"Becky?" He spoke up all of a sudden.

"Yeah?" I said after a few seconds, wondering what was on his mind as he pats the bed he was sitting on.

"It's lonely in here, too."