How love found me (Niall Horan)

chapter 63: the end

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> Tears are threat ing but I hold them. Back I need to stop being a baby. "Honestly Niall, I don't know what to say. I have so much going on in my head. And I'm tired. I'm tired Niall! Sooo...I think I'm going to my parents for awhile. I need to think and just see them. " I tell him.

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> "Or get away from me?" He asks. I sigh.

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> "No! I didn't say that. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm a horrible girlfriend. I'm sorry I'm causing you all this pain." I backed away and slam my door before he can say anything.

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> "Hey are you okay?" I hear someone ask. I rub my eye and turn around I see Charlie standing a few feet away.

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> "Yeah I'm okay. I'm...well I'm going home."I tell her, her eyes widen.

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> "What?Did you guys break up?" She asks scared. I shake my head no. She instantly looks relieved.

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> "Then why are you going?"

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> "To clear my head. I need time to think.I need to get away." I tell her as tears fall. She comes to me and hugs me. I grab her arm and pull her into her room across the hall.

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> "Okay, I'm so confused on what I want."I tell her.

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> "How so?" She gives me a look.

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> "I feel like I'm never going to be happy, like I'm never going to be good enough for him again. I keep on disappointing him. I can tell I'm causing him pain. " I tell her sitting on her bed. She sits next to me.

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> "So what does that mean? Are you going to break up with him?"She asks. A few weeks ago before the accident I would have shouted no from the roof tops. Now....

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> "You hesitated!" She gasped. I knew she would freak out. i knew it. I'm freaking out. But its for him. It will be better for him. I know it. I can't hurt him anymore.

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> "Charlie! Please don't say anything. I need to think things through, I will think things over and I will come back and let him know what I think." I cross my hands. In a way my chest hurts at the thought of leaving him. I could never. No, I can't. I promised forever and I mean it now. Does he still want me forever? I can't leave him, I need him. But I'm hurting him. Everyday I am the way I am I'm hurting him.God, I'm so bipolar. I need help.

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> "Oh." Was all she said. I could tell she was just judging me. I would be too.

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> "No, wait..I can't leave him." I feel this panicky feeling and my chest starts to hurt. I need him. I can't leave him. But I don't think he needs me anymore.

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> "Oookay?" She gives me a look.

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> "I don't know! You don't understand. " I lay back on the bed starring at the ceiling. What am I suppose to do? I love him but I don't think he loves me anymore. Plus I'm just hurting him so much. I'm so horrible. How can I stand myself knowing I'm hurting the one thats suppose to mean so much to me? What kind of human can watch that. Of course I'm not watching am I? I'm hiding from my problems. By sleeping. Just pretending that they don't exist. Like they aren't real. But they are. There very real.