Destroying From Within

Self-Thought

I would never think it would happen to me.

Not that I am unlovable, but because I do not see one loving me more than a sister or daughter or best friend.

I do not see the things he sees, or what he does not see, but I see myself being flawed.

And being flawed is okay. Yes, it is, for it is our flaws who make us who we are. But I rather do not see the good in me like he does. And though I try -and I must say, I try- I just cannot imagine someone wanting me in that way.

Not because I'm ugly, no, but because of my soul. She is hyper and obnoxious and she talks too loud and writes too fast. My soul, she yearns to be free of this vessel, and soar with the birds.

She yearns to loved in that way. To feel a hand threaded with hers, to feel soft kisses in dark rooms, strong arms wrapped around her to keep her warm. She yearns for this kind of love.

Yet when she meets the love, she does not know what to do. Possibly because she has never felt this strongly and fallen this fast. Possibly because my soul does not see herself that way. Possibly because she has never loved this way, she has never lived this way. Possibly because her self-thought has been warped and twisted by crude words and harsh actions and what once was a very warm Summer has now become a cold Winter inside her. Possibly because she does not know how to handle these emotions pointed towards her. Possibly because she cannot tell the outcome and is terrified of everything going wrong.

Who knows?

Only my soul, and I feel as though she will not share her secrets anytime soon.

And that's ok.

I am happy to enjoy this life with my soul and her mate. I am happy to share this with a lover by my side to support me when I fall and bring me back to Earth when I start to float away.

I am happy.

And that is good.