𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐩//𝐌𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧//

Fifteen

Paul

paul gave john a box of books that needed to be shelved and quickly sat down where john was previously sitting. still holding onto the letter he flipped it over and carefully opened it not wanting to rip it unintentionally. pulling out a folded up piece of paper, he took a deep breath before opening it. my dearest paul, my beautiful son. oh how sorry i am for putting you through all of this. you are my reason for living and breathing every single day, but i dont have control over this. it's better this way. you're only fourteen right now and you worry about me more than any child should worry about anything. i can't have you live your life like this. i'm writing this letter for you to open in four years time, hopefully you're happy. or as happy as you can be, pursuing your dreams i should hope. you are destined for great things my sweet angel, don't let anybody tell you any differently. i'm so sorry for how selfish i am being, but i have your best interest at heart, and by no means does that mean i'm blaming you, it's the diseases fault and I wish I could stop it. but I cant. this is entirely my own fault. i should hope in the fourteen years that i've raised you, i've taught you to be kind and considerate but also determined and independent, don't rely on anyone. but also don't close yourself off. there is a great man or woman awaiting you out in the wide world, and they'll fall in love with every inch of you, they'd be crazy not to. now i don't want you to be sad about me not being with you anymore, i want you to be happy from the fantastic memories we made and the brilliant life you have ahead of you. i love you so much my paulie. oh how i'll miss you. love your mummy • Paul read the letter over and over again feeling like he was suffocating. seeing his mother's cursive writing addressing him in this letter brought back the memories of that day. the way the police looked down on the barely grown boy crying for his mummy who wouldn't be coming back. Paul stood up off the chair, every inch of his body shaking, not being able to feel his legs he leaned on the counter for support. "paul are you alright?" john rushed to his side trying to steady him, instead resulting in paul falling into him. he let out a loud sob unable to hold in his emotions anymore. john wrapped his arms around the fragile boy in front of him, he felt the tears soaking through his thin sweatshirt. paul stood in his arms for a long few minutes before he wrapped his arms around johns waist. tightly, scared that he'd disappear if he didn't hold on tight enough. "she was so sick john, s-so sick," he sobbed. john stroked his hair, "shhh, it's alright," he comforted paul. after a few more minutes they both found themselves sitting on the floor in front of the counter, johns arms still wrapped around the shaking boy, pauls head propped on his shoulder as he got out his last few sobs. paul hadn't cried like that in months, he thought he was supposed to be mortified to of broken down in front of someone the way he just did, but john made him feel safe. the way he'd rushed to care for him, and didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around him and whisper comforting words in his ear. Paul lifted his head up and reached towards the box of tissues he had on the counter and wiped his eyes and nose. johns arm still wrapped around his back and his other arm holding his hand. paul looked up at him sheepishly, starting to feel the embarrassment creep up on him. johns eyes so full of concern and worry made paul fear he'd become a charity case rather than a human being. "i, uhm, i'm sorry. thank you, you're sweatshirts all wet now," paul forced a laugh unsure of what to say. "the sweatshirts the least of my worries macca," he spoke softly. "macca?" "yeah" John spoke softly giving him a smile. feeling better after getting his cries out, he reached up and grabbed the letter off the counter. "she died about four years ago," he began, "she had breast cancer and passed while I was at school." john spoke up, "paul, you don't have to explain why that just happened," referring to him crying. "john, i want to. i haven't spoke about it before, maybe this will be the closure i need." paul inhaled deeply, placing a hand on top of the hand of johns that held his other hand. and began speaking again, "she was so deeply unhappy. i never knew the route of her unhappiness, but i think after my unknown sibling left, before i was born, she never really recovered. or so i've been told by anne. and she found it difficult to raise me on her own, she got herself into bad relationships, except my dad but they didn't end up together, she got hurt physically and emotionally by a lot of men, it's why we ended up living with anne in the first place. my grandparents hated my mother for getting pregnant by a man that she hadn't married yet. actually pretty much all of my family did." He opened up the letter again re-reading some of the words. "but i know that she loved me. she truly loved me, more than anything else. i was her hope. it's why i have so much hope for this world. but i suppose it just got too much for her, i could never blame her for what happened. i can only pray that she's in a happier place now." john stayed silent. he removed his arm from around pauls back and took the letter out of his hand folding it back up and placing it next to him on the floor. john grabbed pauls now free hand with his free hand and looked at his, "anne was right when she said she'd be incredibly proud of the man you are today, paul." those words made him happy, paul would want nothing more than his mother to be proud of him. "and i've only known you for a few days, i can see how deeply passionate you are, and how much you care about other people," he stroked the back of pauls hands with his thumbs. these foreign reassuring words flowing out of his mouth as if it were rehearsed, "and you're truly a treasure macca." Paul freed johns hands and wiped his eyes, "dont you'll make me cry again," paul laughed slightly, genuinely this time. "well i wouldn't want it to be anyone else that soaked my jumpers," john smiled.
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New update! Let me know what you think please ❤️