gangs

Fifteen

Soon after my mom returned from speaking with Marcus, the actual funeral started.

They talked about my dads life, a few people spoke, a few people shared stories, some sang, it was long.

My knee was bouncing nervously, I was anxious from sitting here so long

I knew in the crowd of people behind me- there was at least seven of the people we owed money

No telling what they were planning.

They started letting people take a last viewing, which made the room clear out.

I watched my mom give one last look before it was my turn.

I was the only one left besides the pallbearers, who whispered to themselves in a corner.

I looked to my pale dad, exhaling.

"I know you're not here" I whispered to his dead body, hoping to get some sort of closure.

"But if you're looking out for us- if you made it to Heaven- if God is real and if he loves us, ask him to help us." I almost begged him.

"I do not want to die from your mistakes."

And then I left.

I walked out, seeing my mom crying into Michael, who hugged her.

"Hug?" Ashton instantly offered.

"I'm sorry, still not a hugger" I exhaled quietly, grabbing his arm instead.

We watched as they carried his casket out and we followed to the graveyard, where they put him in the ground, everyone praying before everyone was dismissed.

"Can we go?" I asked Ashton, praying he would take me anywhere but here.

Ashton glanced to my mom and the guys.

"Ask your mom and I'll take you wherever you want to go" he spoke

So I did as said

I went straight to my mom

"Can I leave with Ashton?" I asked her as she wiped her tears.

"Sure- do whatever, I'll be back to their house soon" she nodded, making me nod.

"We're good to go" I told Ashton, immediately following him to his car, where he opened the door for me, letting me get in,

"How are you?" He asked me slowly as he drove away from the graveyard.

Don't ask me that.

"I'm fine" I spoke quietly.

"How are you?" I asked him back swiftly.

"I'm good" he laughed back lightly, glancing to me.

"How are you so strong?" He asked after a few moments.

"Like your dad passed away, and I haven't seen you cry one time, how?" He asked me.

"I don't honestly know" I whispered.

Maybe because I knew it would come sooner or later.

"I mean- I'm sad, he's my dad" I spoke to him truthfully.

"I just- all of my emotions are kind of crazy right now." I spoke, watching him slowly nod.

"Have you remembered anything else from that day?" He asked me.

I remembered everything.

"No" I mumbled to him.

I watched as he pulled into a Smoothie King parking lot.

"Well how about we get away from grim topics for a little bit, thats all you've been around the past week" he exhaled, actually making me a little happier- I wanted to do something fun.

"We obviously can't go anywhere busy, but smoothie king seems pretty slow to me, let's get smoothies."