Precious Memories~~Chapter 8

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Chapter 8

Silence. That was my reaction. I knew for a fact that if this wasn't so sudden I would have fought it and maybe even tried to fix it, but I had this bad feeling that this wasn't the answer to their problems.

I tried to believe that it was another reason that they weren't trying anymore. I was in pain-physical pain-knowing that this was not anyone else's fault but mine. I remembered the reason for their arguments the other night when I sat on the steps and quietly listened to them end their marriage.

"Baby, say something?" my mother pleaded.

I looked to my lap and tried not to show my parents the moisture forming in my eyes. Afraid to rely on my voice I gently whispered, "Is this because of me?"

No one replied. There were a few minutes of silence. This was my fault. I knew it! If it was that much of a problem why didn't any of them say anything? I could have found a way to deal with it without involving them. I could have gone away for their benefit. It killed me to know that they all put up with all my stuff just because they though they had to.

I was getting angry! How could they just give up like this! I needed both of them to get through the rest of my days. With Derrick acting different I needed all the moral support I could get and knowing that my parents were only ending things because of me was so painful.

"What?" my father then asked softly.

I stood up from my chair and looked my father in his silver eyes. "Is this because of me?" I yelled.

Silence-my new best friend-was around again.

"I knew this was my fault! Why would you throw your life away just because of me? When I die all you will have is Derrick and he's going away for college! So then who will you have? Your gong to grow old alone! With no one to share the rest of you lives with all because of me! How could you do this to me; to yourselves?"

"Layla," my father finally decided to speak, "This decision we made was not because of you. Your mother and I have been going through difficult times for a while now."

"Yeah, well I'm gonna guess a while is about two years right?" I said knowing that two years ago was when I discovered this was the end of the road for me. I crossed my arms below my breast waiting for someone to speak. But the only person who came was my new best friend.

"You guys don't understand this do you?"

"Understand what, Layla?" my father was beginning to get angry. I could tell by the way his eyes light up with fury and the harshness in his voice. "Everything isn't always about you, you know that right?" he said annoyed. "This was the decision we made. We didn't need to tell you or discuss this with you! So tell me what the hell do we need to understand?"

I felt the tears cascade down my cheeks. I lowered my arms and slumped slightly in fear and pain. "You don't seem to understand how I need to know everything will be fine without me. I haven't even gotten bad and already things are turning to crap."

I let the tears continue to flow before I closed my eyes shut and tries to stop them. I whispered, "You think I want this to be my fault? Do you think I want to leave...?"

As the sentence left my lips I just watched my mother cry soundlessly. It was heart breaking. I loved them so much and I could see that I was causing more pain than necessary.

"Layla," my mother voiced, "we tried to...fix...our marriage, but it just didn't work that way. Please try to understand why we did this."

When she put emphasis on the 'we' she was just saying that I definitely was not included in that decision. "Yes, I understand, mom. I mumbled. "I'm going out, so I'm going to go get ready and then ill see you guys later." I began to turn around toward my room again but my mother's voice stopped me. "But sweetie, it's so early...where would you be going?"

"Out. I'll be back. Eventually."

My mother began to protest but I ignored but my father boomed, "don't you walk away from your mother while she's talking to you! Do you hear me?" It was the second time today that my father yelled at me with such anger. But why would he be defending her when he said all those horrible things to her? He wanted a divorce so why would he care?

"Why the hell would you care? You are divorcing her! That right to car went out the window!"

"Don't you use that tone with me young lady!" he yelled with both hands displayed on the table. He was out of his chair and leaning towards me as if he was ready to jump over the table to attack me.

It was difficult for me to be put in such a situation but what option did I have but to show them that they still cared?

"She is still your mother and you will show her with the same amount of respect as you always did and always will, you got that? There is no reason why this should be affecting you anyway!"

I looked into his eyes with disbelief. You have got to be kidding me! This man must have been joking, or else he would not have said something so ridiculous. "Should not affect me? Should not affect me! This ruins this family! Not that you know what family is! Family is and always will be, forget about me, I love you! And you don't know the meaning to put someone else ahead of you other than yourself! Mom is this family! I am this family! Derrick and you together are a part of this family! So don't try to make it sound like we could survive without each other, because we can't! I am barely surviving now!"

While waiting for a reply from my parents the doorbell rang.

"I might as well grab that," I muttered to myself. I walked the short distance and grabbed the knob.

I stood shocked. I was so not expecting him.

"Hey, umm, I heard yelling I just wanted to make sure everything was okay..."

My day couldn't get any worse.

~~~~~

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