BFPF

BF (extreme) Part 2

Frienship never ends is it really time to end or i still grasping for reality of "no fights, no disappointments, no judgements" is it worth taking a lot of time or worthy for a risk. The what if's came along. Took a lot of thinking. Now since i was thinking that this is all friendship (yet?) should I be atleast perform my genuine feeling of concern for him? I have excuses. He was doing things which i think this made me feel this way. How hardly could it be to act as if i push him to love again. Wait! Its not an excuse anymore. I have then confirmed that im getting attached to the feeling i didn't want to put colors but has a long description. I am now wishing he would say "i wont take a lot of time looking for it coz it's just here infront of me". But then, he looked down smiling and telling me "i cannot find someone new" so then infelt crushed for a moment still pretending to be okay, instead of chilling i became warm starting from my head slowly going down to my neck but i thought down to my heart until he said "cause i cannot lie to myself that the nearest person i have right now, is the person i cannot imagine my life would become if that person is far from me" so then I chilled! Frozen again and yet i need to be sure like i was just smiling as if i was not thinking that its me. So still it was not a clue for me but part of me really assumed i am that person. Another day goes by he seems unusual, its like he didn't like my reaction. So then I was calm and still waiting. He did rounds to patients. He supposed to submit reports but then he instead pass it on my workmate. I was worried thinking what i did wrong plus it was my birthday so i felt rocks all over my head. It was not a pleasant day for me though. So i was devastated. Im hungry but doesn't want to eat but just myself for not having a good reaction. When I reached the exit, there i saw him. I felt chilling again. He didn't say anything, he just grab my things and said, "don't say anything, trust me. This time i will be more specific, today i want you to meet someone" So indeed i was quiet. It was full quiet you can only hear the music on the radio. Brown Eyes by destiny's child. 🎶 remember the first day when i saw your face, remember the first day when you smiled at me🎶 it was awkward. Sitting next to each other one person apart at the back taxi passenger seat. And then we arrived. I remain quiet and nervous. As professional as he was, im sure he will clear out everything that IT WAS JUST FRIENDSHIP a special one yet it is just friendship. We were quiet going to this nice spot. Just US. It was cold and quiet. And then he said "when I was a kid, I saw 2 young couple (boyfriend/girlfriend) they were both wearing jeans, i thought to myself how they chose identical outfit? So then I realized they wanted to be one. It was really a thought that never have i realized love was the cause. I then think i wont have relationship coz i want to be different i want to stay as the way i am thinking of myself and i think only my family can understand. I don't want to leave them behind" wait is he going to ask me to marry him? "I am not assuming of anything. Ok here's the truth and here are my problems" wait! Did he said PROBLEM with an S? Im sure im one of the cause, i felt really guilty. Can i just say something i dont know what to say neither. He continued "i am madly into you, love! I never felt this much, but I cannot prove it coz it always diverted to friendship for you but for me the feeling is surreal. And you know ill be leaving for a little while how can i stop thinking of you especially when im far from you, i was planning to ask you when im done with fulfilling my goal but you are part of it. And im too afraid that you might find someone better than me versus the assurance of not worrying too much for you when im away". Should I go or should I stay?