(Qannen) not a great kidnapping so far

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Qannen stares at the wall, willing it to entertain her. Her eyes have been open for however many seconds and literally nothing has happened in all that time. "I'M WORRIED I'M GOING TO GET BORED WHICH IS A VERY BAD THING FOR ME," she yells. This time she hears something. A door opening, closing, voices, footsteps, things been dropped on a floor. Her senses are grateful for the stimuli. A tiny thread of grace: at least something is happening somewhere.

The door opens and a head appears. A cute head with a cute face and cute floppy hair.

"Alright in here love?" says the cute boy with the cute mouth under the cute hair.

She's momentarily distracted by how weird his voice is. She has literally never heard a voice that weird. Like she understands him but he says the words in a very weird way. Whatever, she's over it.

"NO I'm not all right untie me you little bitch what the shit?"

He grits his teeth regretfully as he slides the rest of his long, cute body into the room. "Sorry. I promise we didn't leave you alone too long, just needed a few things." He's behind her, the fabric from his very weird and unfashionable trousers brushing gently against her skin. She can feel his fingers on her hands, on the ropes, running along the inside of the knots, checking their tightness. "Not too uncomfortable, I hope? Really sorry about all this. We had to improvise a bit towards the end there."

He comes out from behind her and stands there, looking around the room, then shrugs his shoulders and sits on the floor, collapsing like a string pulled on a doll. He seems perfectly happy and content to sit on the floor, which is gross, and proves he's an idiot.

If Qannen's hands were free this guy would already be dead. "I have literally no idea what words you're saying or what they even mean, I just want my screen and my hands untied and then skip past whatever this scene is, OK?"

He exhales, scanning her face, his eyes really on every inch of her. "Look we're not kidnappers by nature, I get how this looks, and I'm sorry. We're doing our best here. I will keep apologizing, for this and every other inconvenience that'll occur to you while you're with us, if it'll help. We've been through a lot. It doesn't excuse this, at all, but absolutely nothing has gone the way it was supposed to. But I think, I hope, we could..." He pauses, like he's seeing her face for the first time. "Qannen," he says. "I cannot tell you how lucky I feel to meet you."

"What do you mean every other inconvenience? This isn't enough? And why is there no zonny in here?"

He tilts his head and a cute curl falls down over one of his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"There's no zonny in here, there's no camera. What's the point of tying someone up if there's no cameras. What show is this supposed to be?"

A look of confusion briefly clouds his face, then passes. He nods thoughtfully, then speaks. "You're tied up so you don't run away, and there's no cameras now because we don't want anyone to know where you are, but there will be cameras later, if that helps."

The filthy walls of the room are suddenly infinitely more interesting than whatever words this boy is saying. "I stg you make no sense at all. Also I don't feel good."

"Ah, you're probably hungry. Protein?" He pulls something from his bag and leans forward, holding it up for her: a tube of something wet and moist and pink.

"Ew, no, gross."

"It's protein," he says, like he's offending by her reaction. He puts it in his mouth and starts sucking.

"You're an idiot. That's pink stuff. Protein is the line you stand in to get the pink stuff, that's why they call them protein lines, and they're only for people who can't manage thoughtful brand interactions, which is the most obvious thing about you ever."

He pulls the tube from his mouth. "No, it's..." He looks at the tube, studying it. "There's protein in it."

"There's nothing IN it, it's one thing, it's pink stuff."

"OK I get it's not your meal of choice but we're not trying to starve you here and this is all we have. You need protein, take some."

Qannen laughs, genuinely, and starts to relax. This guy's much, much dumber than she initially realized. This is fine. She's been in worse situations than this. Like literally every day of her whole life. She'll outsmart him very soon and get out of here no problem.

"No one NEEDS protein, you GET pink stuff because you can't create content engaging enough to get brands to provide you with what you need. You NEED blue vervain. You NEED pyro-accelerant mood enhancers. You NEED ancient grain blasts. That's food. You need FOOD. Like you NEED to grow a brain get a life, find some real clothes that actually fit, and FUCKING UNTIE ME."

Before the cute boy can respond another cute head pokes through the door. Actually more hot than cute. A boy with extremely good looking eyes. "What the hell's going on in here?" he says.

"WELL," Qannen says, "your friend is trying to force his pink tube down my throat while my hands are tied behind my back."

The boy with the hair goes completely red.

"Jesus, John," the boy with the eyes says, giving him a look that says Can I even leave you alone for one second.

"He's completely in love with me," Qannen explains. "It's weird. I don't mind? Like I get it? But it's weird."

The boy with the eyes motions the boy with the hair over. "A word? Please? Can we break this up long enough for you to come help me with this stuff?"

The boy with the hair climbs heavily to his feet, his eyes only briefly meeting Qannen's, before he follows his friend out.

"I mean, bathroom. Food. Change of clothes," Qannen calls after them. "Monitored use of screen. Timed breaks for physical activity and brand interactions. This is not a great kidnapping so far. I'm not filled with confidence. No offense but I'm just not." Qannen pauses, summoning a big speech. "As someone who n-"

The door slams shut. Clearly they are not interested, but she elects to continue her speech anyway. Even if there are no zonnys this could still be an amazing scene for her.


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