Thea was found alone and on the verge of death in the middle of the Jakku desert by none other than Luke Skywalker. He immediately felt the power that surged from her with the force. Thea had no memory of her life before he found her, so he took her...
I didn't mean to hurt her. I NEVER intend to hurt her and I never wanted her to die.
She... She can't die. If she dies than Ben Solo dies with her. I can't life without her.
As I watched the falcon fly off into the sky, I said nothing. I didn't have the strength to scream at it. Quite frankly, I don't know if I have the strength to do anything anymore.
She was my strength.
I turned around and left back to my ship. No one said a word to me as I boarded, but followed silently. Not even Hux. They knew they'd die if they spoke a word.
Once we got back to base, I went straight to my quarters and slammed the door behind me. No one dared to bother me, and since I couldn't feel Thea's life force I was alone with just my thoughts.
And that's the scariest thing to me.
Wait... I can't feel Thea's life force?!
I started breathing heavily as tears streamed down my face. This can't be happening. I can't have k-killed her, right?
I clenched my fists and glanced in the mirror, anger and disappointment overwhelmed me and I punched through it, glass shattering all around me. I can't even recognize myself anymore. Am I Kylo Ren? Ben Solo?
Anger.
No one would be able to control my anger if Thea is gone.
"I might have just murdered the love of my life," I muttered to myself before gasping out a sob. I just wanted Thea in my arms. I need her.
I let out a scream and watched as it rippled from the force and destroyed everything surrounding me. The Destroyer even shook, but everyone still knew not to disturb me.
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I fell to my knees and looked down to see a chunk of the mirror. I looked at my broken state and saw the boy I used to be. The becoming jedi with anger issues who just wanted to prove himself. Who didn't talk to anyone, but when running into Thea he made an exception. He was the kid who was head over heels for this girl, and he knew he was wrapped around her finger. He'd do anything for her.
And yet... He ruined her life and probably ended up killing his love.
She was.. IS my light. The pull to the light that I so desperately needed, but am still battling it out in my mind. If she leaves now, she would have given up on me and I'd have no hope left. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know who I want to be. I just know that without her... I'm not the person I want to be.
I dropped my head into my hands and let out another sob.
"I can't lose her. I can't lose her," I kept repeating like i've lost my mind.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the crystal necklace she threw at me when she found out I was alive and being Kylo Ren. I can't believe she kept it after all these years, but then again even with the dark side I still kept mine.
