His Name Is Mugen

My Condolences

2 updates in 1 day, can't you guys tell I'm in a good mood 😚😚😚

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He noticed I was no longer seeking his affection so he came to visit me in the bedroom he left me in. He stood at the door silently. I laid up against the wall on the bed with a book in my hands, covering my face and refused to look at him. Neither of us said a word. I wondered who would break the silence first.

"You're doing well these days." He commented. I grunted in response. I heard him approaching. I counted to 3. I hope he didn't notice the way my hands shook at the sound of his voice.

It was hoarse, lonesome, filled with curiosity and depth.

He sat at the bedside. I peeked at him. He caught me. My mind raced.

Was I ready for this conversation that we desperately need to have?

"I need a glass of water." I clearly wasn't. I scurried out of the bed and tried to get passed him but he caught my arms.

His touch burned and I jumped out of his hold and almost my skin. He let me go but I felt the lingering tingles of a scorned heat. I dared to turn to him.

He stood amidst an internal storm, staring deep into the ruins, waiting...watching. Was it for a signal to grab me and never let me go or to walk out of this room like a stranger he was becoming? My shoulders fell. I was unsure but when he rose slowly and I looked into his eyes, I knew it was coming.

I faltered.

If I allowed him to be in control he'd only bring me to an empty sky with no promises. There's nothing up there for me except lust and that is no longer what I'm looking for.

I dropped a bracelet he bought for me to the floor, then stepped back.

"If you cross this bracelet, we'll be walking a freshly paved road that has room only for the two of us. I won't allow you to cross it unless you can commit."

"Sarasi." He crumbled before me and I wanted to hold him up. To let him know I'm in hurting as well.

"You left me." I croaked. "When I needed you, you left. Why?"

"I couldn't-you left me-."

"Did you think I ordered a kidnapping on myself?"

"That's not what I meant." He reached for me. His fingertips trembled. He took a step closer and I took one back, bringing the bracelet with me.

I was delirious in the mind, secluded in the heart but I had the God of love on my side. I sacrificed my all to stand before her in hopes to steal a glimpse at what could be. I laid my ill fated heart before her as as an offering. If I was not worthy of love then she could beat it scorned black and tainted river blue.

Whatever she wished.

The sign of worthiness was Mugen. Neither of us had the pure light of innocence. Both our faces were dark and grim. But, should we decide to love for one another, perhaps the God of Life would shine his blessings over us and we could live happily. This was our test. I didn't want either of us to fail.

"What did you mean, Mr. Holt?" My words were a knife and they stabbed at him with no remorse. He held his chest and gripped at his shirt. His semblances was in shambles though he wore the perfect fit. I've never seen a man look so starved and deprived before.

"It's like you don't care for me as much as I care for you." He was hushed and restricted. As if he was remembering his gravest memories. "Love is a wildfire that spreads in the darkest of places. It seeps in slowly and maybe you cannot see it but you without a doubt can feel it. It is sadistic and raw, relentless and suffocating but when it's still in its infancy, you still have the option to seek shelter from it. However, once its reached its peak and has surrounded your walls, it consumes you until you realize you have nowhere left to run. All you can do is crumble in its wake and accept your fate. Whether that flames stabs like an excruciating pain or rushes you like an orgasmic impulse depends entirely on your lover. You and I are in the ending stages, when one of us is savoring the flame and the other is trying to destroy it. I know I'm needlessly suffering but I couldn't help myself in falling in love with the way you burned me. It is the madness of my mind. You're like a nightmare that just keeps bettering and my only option is to continue falling asleep."

He spreads to me a new warmth that disconnects me from myself. It makes me hot and reminds me of my fragility. That I'm fool for him. I'm at a lost for words. He thinks I hate him. He turns his head to the side. He can't see how much he affects me.

"When I left, I just-." His voice broke off. "I felt you leave me so I came back and you were gone. You left and I looked everywhere and I re-met a side of myself that I never wanted to meet again. When you left, you took what little hope I had growing in me. You killed me in place. You left me there to rot. You went back to him even though I told you I would get you out. You didn't trust me."

I corrected. "I didn't go back to him. I went to my sister."

"I told you not to leave without someone and you snuck past them. Why would you have to sneak if you weren't going back to him?"

I wavered. "Does it seem like I'm playing mind games with you because it sure seems like you're playing mind games with me."

"Is this my fault?" He was so dejected. Gone was the confident Mugen I was so accustomed to and he was replaced by a man who recognized his every fault.

"Mr. Holt-."

"Stop calling me that!" He snapped his head towards me. His eyes were glossy and red. Vile and sweet. Experienced and immature. Whole and broken.

"My name is Mugen." He voice cracked along with my surface. I was meeting a new side of him and it petrified me. Torn me down to his feet and made me feel like begging for forgiveness. He took a step closer and I took a stepped back.

"We can't keep going like this." I didn't recognize the sound of myself. I sounded so tired but yet so hopeful. I wanted to fix this. Whatever this was beginning. "We need to talk about us and what we're doing and why for the past three months we haven't been able to get it right."

"So let's talk. Talk about you and how you make me feel, how it didn't take long for me to fall completely in love with you. Talk about how much I wanted you since I met you." He stepped forward and I stepped back bringing the bracelet. Clouds were thundering over us.

"Let's talk about how it feels like you're teasing me when you stand your body so close to mine and I'm sure it's never on purpose but you remind me that you're someone I can't have. Your raw passion is driving me utterly fucking wild and if we're being honest, I've lost count of how many times I imagined myself slamming you against the wall and ravishing you until your entire body has memorized my touch." He stepped forward and I stepped back with the bracelet.

Air, air, I need air.

"Let's talk about how your body is a paradise of withering black rose gardens. It's toxic but you're a wonderland that I couldn't stop myself from crashing into. I knew of a woman's sacred garden as it withholds it's own monstrosity but I swore to myself and every mans' God that I'd spend the rest of my life exploring your garden until I know what truly lies within you. If you would have me, if you would just love me, if you could give me even an ounce of it, I swear I'll spend the rest of my life kissing and loving that collapsing and crumbling garden until every flower grows it's thorns and you blossom anew."

I stepped backwards, leaving the bracelet.

"We can talk forever long as you like but it won't change anything. Ever."

I found my voice. "You really know how to destroy one's state of mind."

"What has become of you since we met?"

"I feel in love with you when I wasn't supposed to."

"My condolences."

His condolences...........