Chapter 128

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Zayn watched Evelyn’s small, curled up figure in the bed, from the desk at the far end of the room.

She was perfectly still. The only visible moment was the steady expansion and contractions of her ribs, being moved by her lungs as oxygen entered and left her body.

After hours of heartfelt apologies and promises, Evelyn still refused to react to Zayn’s touches, kisses, and voice.

The look on her face as he tried to make her eyes focus on him was haunting. The deadly devastation of Ethan’s actions had left a mark on Evelyn, just as Zayn had expected. It completely shattered her last ounce of courage. She was slowly crumbling beneath the pressure of life as he watched.

Zayn lifted the crystal flute of warm blood to his lips.

Its taste was nourishing, but it did not offer him that kick of relief, or the diluted state of consciousness, offered by alcohol. He desperately craved for the burning taste of strong liquor to run flow down his throat, and obstruct all of the guilt, indiscretion, feelings of abomination, and self-hatred he was harbouring.

Just the thought of a tumbler of scotch in his mouth made him salivate.

But he couldn’t risk allowing alcohol influencing his actions right now.

Zayn didn’t trust himself; he didn’t know what acts of atrocity he would commit, locked in a room with Evelyn in her current state, and the world deprived of anybody or anything that could physically keep him from doing what he wanted. Beside from the intangible power of Darkness that had infested him, of course, but the darkness would hardly fight for the one thing that kept Zayn sane and marginally within the state of stability.

He silently cursed himself for wanting more power and Venice for turning him into the most powerful creature in the universe. If it weren’t for his immense power, then the darkness wouldn’t be attracted to him the way it did.

Zayn remembered childhood tales his deceased mother used to tell him about how the beings in the world was Darkness and Light, how the two co-exist but was at constant war to gain the most power.

Zayn could feel it, caressing his arm, urging him to advance towards Evelyn and finish the intended act that was almost consignment before Harry interfered.

Half of Zayn wanted to listen to the Darkness, and experience the indescribable high Evelyn’s body was capable of giving him.

However, another part of him could not bear hurting her, again.

He just wanted to make her happy, and love her with everything he had. He didn’t want anything in return—though love in physical form would be something he could never reject.

Zayn laughed. He never thought he would admit it, but he was glad he was cσck blocked by Harry.

He was glad he hadn’t done the unspeakable to Evelyn yet again.

He wouldn’t know how he would live with his conscious if he had committed such crime against somebody he loved so dearly.

Without realising, his hand reached out, as if it could prevail against the barrier of distance and touch Evelyn. He wanted to touch her. He could touch her. But Zayn restrained himself.

“The last thing that she wants right now is for me to smother her with my undelivered promises and impeccably weak self-restrain.” He laughed at himself. “She’s probably dreaming of leaving me, plotting her escape.”

He poured himself some more blood.

“She doesn’t want me. Even after everything Ethan had done to her, she probably would still choose him over me in a heartbeat.” He drained the glass of blood in one gulp. “I’m only tantalising her by keeping her here. I have to let her go before I obliterate everything she is. I’m going to ruin her. She’s so fragile and breakable… I’m going to be the death of her. I may be able to protect her from all other danger if I force her to stay with me, but I will never be able to protect her from myself.” Zayn huffed.

He wanted to place his hand above the space where his heart was beating, dig into his flesh, and pull out the organ. He wanted to see if his body was able to function without the works of his heart… His heart was hers anyway. If he placed his bloodied pulp of a heart and place it at Evelyn’s feet, would it make her happy, would it help her forgive him and finally love him?

He squeezed his eyes shut.

How he craved the taste of some scotch.

“I don’t deserve her, I have to let her go,” he said.

But words, that was all they were. They were words of belief, and truth. But he had no intention or determination to follow his better judgement and let him go.

It was so frustrating: to choose between loving himself and loving her.

If he continued to deny Evelyn her freedom, simply because he wouldn’t be able to deal with the pain of living a life without her, then he would love himself more than he loved her. He would be condemning her to a life of misery.

If he gave Evelyn her freedom and allowed her to live the life she wanted, with whomever she wanted, then that would mean he loved her more. He would be condemning himself to a life of misery.

Did Zayn love Evelyn or himself more?

He didn’t know.

All he knew was that neither future gave him joy.

Take her. Cease the opportunity while she is in this state of dereliction. Take her Zayn, satisfy yourself, don’t you want her? Don’t you want to drive your cσck deep into her heavenly body and feel the joy that only her womanly body could give you? The Darkness whispered.

“Shut up,” Zayn grunted.

Evelyn was in a state of dereliction.

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