The Sassy Five

Chapter Three (Mike's Point of View)

Paul snapped his fingers, which meant we had to leave the restaurant, but wih sass. We all put our hands on our hips, and made our signature sassy poses. Mine was sticking out my hip. Aren't I just fabulous?

We all decided that we would walk to the mall. We didn't want to become fat asses like Nancy, ew.

"Oh my god, Mikey," Jimmy whispered in my ear, "Look at Pete." I looked over at him, making sure my hand didn't leave my sassy hip. He was checking his nails.

"Ew, why can't he just accept the fact that he has ugly nails?" I whispered back. Pete's nails were just the opposite of sassy. They were stupid. He's such a whore.

We finally arrived at the mall. Paul entered and swung out his leg. He flipped his hair and snapped his fingers, and we all sassily walked around, making sassy bitch faces at random peasants. Totes fun. 

"Paul, can we just get my eye liner already?!" John whined and flipped his long, sassy hair. 

"Oh my god, John, just shut up, we're almost at Sephora, you dumb ass." Paul said, with so much sass, that John began to cry.

"Attention whore!" Paul laughed, flipping his hair, and swerving around. John followed anyway. Can somebody say 5th wheel?

"So, boys, any gossip?" Paul squealed. He noticed John on his phone. 

"Get off your phone, attention whore." Paul said. John rolled his eyes.

I was just dying to tell Paul this piece of gossip. I started talking, not caring if anyone else wanted to talk first.

"Okay, so I got this text from Micky that said "hey". Like, who the hell does he think I am?" I said sassily. I waited for a response.

"Speak up, you retards!" I screeched.

"Oh my god, Micky is such a bitch, I cannot even." Jimmy said finally, both hands on his hips and his eyebrows raised.

"Right?" I answered. Jimmy was like, my bestie. He totally got me.

"Mike, honey, I have something so much better," John said. "I heard that Roger fucked Freddie, and THEN told Brian he loved him!"

"OH MY GOD!" we all said in unison. 

"He did not?!" gasped Paul.

"Roger is such a whore." Pete said.

"He's such a pig. He disgusts me." John said. He sounded like he was so done.

My bestie Jimmy started squealing. "Okay, so Robert bought this new cute dress, but it looked so bad on him, and i lied and said it looked good on him!"

"That is cold." I said.

"Tell that fat ass to take a walk!" Pete laughed his sassy laugh, and checked his nails.

Once again, Pete started to talk. UGH. 

"Did you hear that Keith is trying to eat less? Anorexic bitch."

"I wouldn't blame him. Fat biotch." Jimmy said.

Suddenly, Paul's stupid, dumb ass phone interrupted our gossiping. "Oh my god, what?" Paul said as he picked up his phone. I leaned in closer to see who he was talking to. 

"Ew, shut up, Nancy!" Paul whined. 

"Ew!" we all said.

"Oh my god, I don't care, you sass-less bitch!" Paul yelled. Oh my god, I cannot believe stupid fat Nancy was putting Paul through all this. It's ruining his sass. I grabbed the phone from him.

"Nancy, if you say one more thing to Paul, I will come over, and whoop your ass to Texas!" I yelled into the phone.

"Please, Mike, you're overreacting," Nancy moaned. Oh my god, stop telling me what to do!

"I'll make sure Ringo's fat ass nose is there, too!" I screamed. 

"I'm sorry!" Nancy cried. "Please, stop yelling at me!"

"Oh, save your tears, you dumb hoe." I hung up, and threw Paul's phone into a nearby fountain, making sure there was extra sass in my throw.

"Mike, you bitch! How dare you do that to my phone!" Paul snapped his fingers, ad flipped his hair.

"Your phone was ugly anyway, honey," I said, and walked forward, my hand still on hip. They all followed me. Wow, I'm cool.