Secrets Are For Keeping

Chapter Forty-Six

We were thrown back in the rooms after listening to at least ten more confessions.

The voices were all blurring in my head. Crying, begging, sobbing on the ground in front of Mr. Neilson while all he could do was smile. I could see each of their faces, saying that they had actually done it, looking like they were about to throw up from the fear that had grabbed hold of them and wouldn't let go.

And I would be there tomorrow. I'd heard my inspector mutter it in my ear as he'd pulled me out of the room. And I couldn't even imagine it. I didn't want to even imagine it.

Most of the crimes that had been confessed were thievery, there were a few other miscellaneous ones but...

I was scared out of my mind. Dread sat like a knife stabbing me in the stomach with every step I took across the tiny cell so I was actually inside before the door was closed behind me.

I looked up at Kain, barely able to hold back the tears welling up in my eyes. He didn't ask me why, and I knew that he'd heard what the inspector had told me.

For me, it was tomorrow.

It would all be over tomorrow.

I'd gone to such measures to hide it from myself. To hide it from the world and shove the idea away, snuff it out like a flame. Because it couldn't exist, not if I ever wanted to be happy. My secret. I'd kept it for so long.

And now it would be out.

And it would no longer be my secret.

Chills cascaded down my spine, as I closed my eyes, not wanting to see concern in Kain's eyes or even see the cell that I was in. Maybe if I tried hard enough I could imagine myself elsewhere and I wouldn't be in the cell anymore. My fingers had been and still were gripping onto my secret so hard that they were bleeding with the effort of keeping it that way. Keeping it a secret.

Beckam's face appeared in the darkness of my thoughts and I couldn't prevent the single tear that slipped out from my eyelid and fell down the side of my cheek.

Then I felt a warm finger touch the lone teardrop, stopping it from going further down to my chin and wiping it away. I opened my eyes, seeing Kain through a blur of tears. I quickly tried to wipe them away, not wanting myself to seem weak, wanting to make myself stay strong and not give in to what Mr. Neilson wanted everyone to give in to.

"I...what do you think they'll do?" I asked, thinking back to the fear on all of the people's faces who had confessed.

Kain stared at me for a second as he thought over my question. Then he shook his head imperceptibly with his mouth slightly open. "I don't know..." He looked like he was telling the truth, and I was glad that he wasn't following it up with something like "It'll be okay" since that would be an obvious lie. The tears that had been welling up in my eyes began to dissipate, and I was extremely glad. I could still feel the cold touch of air against my dampened skin.

I took a step back away from him, noticing how close we had been standing.

"I'll be...," I started, but didn't finish. I had planned on saying fine, but knew that would be just as untrue as if Kain had actually said that it would be okay. "I'll just do it...I don't have a choice...do I?"

He shook his head sadly. "Nobody does...it's what they want. They aren't giving us a choice...and they never will."

I squeezed my eyes shut, seeing and feeling the truth in his words. There was never going to be a choice. Technically, you could say that I did have a choice to choose to do something insane or plan an escape...but then I'd end up in the same position, just at another point in time. And I at least had the benefit of being with Kain before my life fell apart completely. At least Kain was here and I had the company of him and I doubted many of the other people who had confessed had been in the company of someone else that they actually knew.

Knew and...

And what? What were we? Friends?

And why did I feel...

I submerged the idea deep in my mind, before it could blossom into a full thought. No. No I wouldn't allow myself to think like that. Trusting someone as a friend was enough to cause me the pain that had been caused when Pepper had betrayed me. I couldn't stand the thought of how much it would hurt if...

I'd gone off into my own thoughts, and hadn't even noticed that Kain was still standing in the room, watching my face. Heat exploded in my cheeks and I quickly blinked myself back into reality.

His expression had changed, and he was looking at me with a face filled with part concern and part...protectiveness? I didn't know how to describe it, the look in his eyes.

I turned towards my bed, feeling too awkward with him standing in front of me, for me to just continue standing in place, but his hand reached out and touched my arm. "Wait," he said barely above a whisper. My head snapped back towards him, and I tried to understand why he had stopped me.

His face was only inches away from mine, and he reached up and pushed a rebellious strand of my white blonde hair out of the way. I could feel the slight warmth of his breath against my lips.

I shut my eyes, feeling his finger brush across my forehead. And then I felt a whisper of his cheek pressing against the side of my upper lip as his own lips pressed against the skin beneath my eye. I didn't move a muscle, just stood frozen, as the presence of his skin touching mine disappeared. I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me, his gaze warm and filled with life.

I moved my face just an inch closer and then pressed my lips to his.

I heard his breath catch and then his lips were responding, moving in harmony with mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck, fingers brushing through the soft strands of his dark hair.

When I finally pulled away, my attention was caught by the beautiful light blue color of his eyes, staring down into mine. They were awe-inspiring, like the color of the sky just before the sun came up to wake up the world. I didn't want to let go, but knew that I would have to at some point, so that I could go to sleep for when the next day would come. Because it was going to come, even if I didn't want it to. Somehow, kissing Kain had changed it, it had made the entire ordeal seem smaller, something less present in my thoughts.

I untangled my fingers from his hair, and moved backwards slowly, trying to hold onto him as long as possible.

"Good night," I whispered, feeling my warm cheeks redden even more when he smiled back at me.

"Good night," he whispered in reply, and then we parted, him walking over to his bed, and me returning to my own.

I laid my warm body down on the mattress, my mind no longer filled with dark thoughts, but just Kain's face, him looking at me like he had moments ago.

My eyes fell shut and sleep easily took over me.