Journey's End

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I never knew I could experience such a pain like this one.
Heartbreak, in the form of nostalgia, has crept through my door like a two sentence horror story season finale.
In this decade, I feel like I have learned nothing. 10 years, all of my memories, and for what?
What have I learned?
What have I experienced?
Why do I feel the same as I did three years ago, a helpless teen locking herself in her room and using a flashlight to hurt herself every single night, cursing to Him why she had to be such a hassle and burden to everyone around her?
Why is that same little girl still here?
I thought I got rid of her.
She scared me.

I scare me.

I don't want to be like this.

Oh God, please let the new year bring me true joy.
Unmatched euphoria, distractions from it all,
And let it not crumble in the final few days. 

In the new year I'd like to love.
I'd like to be loved.
And I'd like to be proud of myself, what I can do, and what I've done.
Sending kisses to 2020,
Good luck, kid.

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