Only to Feel This Fully [Completed]

Ch. 13: Pretty Little Fears

Unlike my usual haste, I was among the last to clear out of the locker room, owing largely to the head start everyone else had had on me. A few guys gave me nods or other subtle indications of sympathy as they passed to leave; more passed by with contempt or animosity. The lobby was largely empty when I passed through the doors separating it from the freezing rink, hockey bag slung over my shoulder. My parents were standing with the Broussards, talking in hushed tones. I had no choice but to approach them. I had seen Mr. Broussard headed towards the Trojans' locker room after Theo was taken there, so I knew who to inquire with.

"He's a bit shaken up, but he got better once he'd calmed down. We're lucky he didn't hit his head. Things could've been much worse," I had just watched Million Dollar Baby on Netflix and all that was running through my mind was the possibility of Theo being injured similarly, one wrong fall could change his life forever. The thought shook me to my core.

"Kirk's suspended three games. Coach also told Scott, Eric, and Mark not to dress next game," I informed the quarter of concerned adults. "As he should," mom replied, anger evident in her voice, outraged on the Broussards' behalf. "I didn't want him to play tonight," Mrs. Broussard said, blankly.

"Did Theo drive himself to the game?" I asked. His parents seemed confused but his father replied in the affirmative. "I need to talk to him, apologize..." I let my words hang, unsure of how to phrase the rest of the sentence. My thoughts had flown out my mouth before they had refined themselves into appropriate speech.

"It's late. We should be getting home. I'm sure Theodore doesn't want to be mobbed when he comes out here," Mrs. Broussard decided, cutting off both her husband and my mother, who seemed ready to shoot down the idea; her husband likely to protect their son's well-being and my mother to apologize for my impertinence. Mrs. Broussard then got the other three adults headed towards the exits.

As she left, she told me in a hushed voice, "keep my boy safe and have him back by two, okay?" Her voice conveyed the sentiment this was a final warning not to hurt her son a third time. I checked my phone and confirmed that two a.m. was still almost three hours away. Again, I had to wonder what she assumed was happening.

Slightly labored breathing behind me caught my attention and I noticed the presence at my periphery for the first time. Theo stood there before me, in obvious discomfort from the weight of his hockey bag bearing down on his injured body. I longed to be able to comfort him.

"I'm an asshole. Can I buy you a late dinner to make up for it?" The question hung in the air for a torturous few moments. Theo's face projected skepticism at my offer, which I understood and expected.

"Our parents left you for me to drive home?" I nodded in confirmation. "Dinner's the least you could do," Theo's voice was cold as he moved towards the main doors. I went to take his bag for him, to relieve some of his pain, but he initially rejected the advance. A few more pained steps and he relented, although he insisted on holding onto his stick, maintaining as much of his pretension of well-being as possible. He kept himself a few paces ahead of me, still able to move at a brisk pace, whereas I was slowed by the two large bags.

The silence persisted throughout the car ride to Johnny's. The diner would be the only place open outside of the city at this time of night. The restaurant was cheap and a favorite spot for high schoolers at all hours of the day. This was an odd hour for the diner, too late for the dinner rush and too early for the after-party crowd, so it would be mostly empty. We had no trouble finding a booth in the secluded section of the diner. Theo sat with his back to the wall and feet up on the booth cushion, perpendicular to me, as if shielding himself from my presence. I moved to mirror his positioning, not wanting to come off as too forceful.