My Man

Chapter 16

Arthit's POV

People fear change.

The aspect of growing up, going to a new school, graduating and entering the real world which thrashes you left and right like a dirty carpet being dusted off, acquiring a new job, leaving a country, a marriage - everything is a change that makes you sweat and shiver when you are experiencing it firsthand.

Hell, even moving into a new flatshare could bring upon a queasy feeling in your stomach. The initial forced smiles and the uncomfortable conversations where you mostly just nod your head along like you understood the other person completely are just a teeny tiny part of it. The bigger part is the internal debate you have within yourself before the ultimate question arises.

Will I pull through all of this successfully?

That's where the fear raises its ugly head to peek out before gripping your heart like a chihuahua in heat humping your leg.

People give lots of different names to this feeling. Anxiety, panic, foreboding, the nerves, the heebie-jeebies, the jitters, and even more that doesn't make sense. They don't accept it as fear. They often tell you to embrace the change and not to run away from it. I say bullshit.

Change is scary.

Not your 'grim reaper banging at your door at 12 in the night scary'. At least, 'watching the movie at midnight when you are home alone scary'.

It's not just the above-said changes that plunges you into fear. There come some batshit crazy moments in your life that leaves you scared enough to piss in your pants. Now, these are the changes that they call turning points in your life. The defining moments. The decisions that you make over this change could steer you into completely two different pathways where regret is guaranteed in one of them.

To put it simply, these changes in life, could either take you into a la-la land filled with roses and unicorns or could fuck you over completely making you dive headfirst into a shithole.

If you ask me where does my fear lie on the above scale, then I should say it's off the charts flying up high into the air like a nitrogen balloon cut off its cord.

Not to mention, the reason for my fear was currently standing in the middle of my kitchen flipping pancakes and throwing a smile my way every now and then. Honestly, I can't even come to a conclusion if I wanted to reciprocate that smile and be happy. Or acknowledge the fear that was making my stomach flip and hide even more behind my coffee mug like I was doing currently.

After I had cried my eyes out yesterday and stopped hyperventilating, leaving me with a stuffy nose, puffed out red eyes and an energy drained body, Kong and I came to an agreement. No. No. No. It's not what you guys think or expect. I know there must be musical bells ringing in someone's mind and some of you would have already hopped up on that imaginary horse and are halfway through a nosebleed. Sorry to prick a pin in that balloon of dreams. But this is not a freaking movie, where you break up, move continents, live apart for years and get back together over a heartfelt confession and start your happily ever after from a corny kiss at the top of Empire State Building under a sunset. And all that in an hour and a half.

Nope. Definitely not happening.

It's a real-life amigo. It's shitty and it takes its sweet ass time to grow on you with the way it mends things slowly. In the end, it does you good. Like kale.

So, we both decided to let things happen at their own pace. We didn't acknowledge anything verbally. All we agreed to was that we are not going to turn around and go in a completely different direction if we ever run into each other accidentally in the future. The least we can do was to catch up on what's going on in each other's life. Be civil at the most. At least that's what people call it I think. I have no idea whatsoever.