Session 1

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"So Miss Thompson, you know who I am and what I do, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you know why you are here?"

"I am here because my parents forced me to come here."

"Okay. Let's start with your introduction. Introduce yourself."

"My name is Maria. I am a lawyer. I'm twenty seven, a widow and I live alone."

"Widow?"

"I lost my fiance in an accident."

"Then you are not a widow. You lost your fiancee, not your husband. A widow is someone whose husband has died."

"I don't care. I lost him."

"Did you lose somebody else in the accident?"

"Yes. I lost my baby."

"I'm very sorry for your loss. Do you remember what happened that day?"

"I remember everything."

"Can you share it with me? And a bit louder because you know we are recording this."

"It was night. A day ago I announced I was pregnant. That night we celebrated with our families."

"What happened the next day?"

"I had my first morning sickness and I loved it. We went to the doctor for our first check up and we came back home."

"That's good. Did you buy medicines on your way back?"

"Yes."

"Then what happened? What did you do next?"

"Thomas went for work and I decided to work from home. He was a lawyer like me and had an important case."

"Okay. Did he win the case?"

"He never completed it."

"I think we skipped a few points here. Let's go back to where you were working from home. You had lunch that day, right? How was it?"

"I made chicken risotto and ate it all. I used to make many different dishes."

"Used to?"

"I don't anymore."

"What happened in the evening?"

I take a deep breath and control my emotions. "Thomas came home early that day. We made love and talked about our marriage."

"What did you guys talk about?"

"We decided to get married in two months then shift to a bigger house."

"So you had your future plans set. That's good."

"Yes, we had it all set."

"What happened after you guys talked?"

"We decided to go to the new Italian restaurant which was opened a few blocks away. We wanted to celebrate the beginning of our new lives."

"Do you want carry on? We can stop if you want."

"I wore my favorite red dress. It was a gift from him on our third anniversary. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. I don't know how to smile anymore. That was the last time I saw myself smile."

"Did you wear any heels?"

"I despise them. I wore sandals."

"Okay."

"We both sat in the car, but then Thomas had a call. It was his sister."

"His sister? What did she say?"

"She wanted some sort of help in her resume. She had graduated college recently. Thomas denied, but promised that he would help her later."

"That's really sweet of him. He sure was an affectionate brother."

"He was driving. Since it was winter, the streets were mostly empty and I liked it. I liked the silence and weather. It was perfect."

"So you must like the weather now. It's winter."

"I hate winters."

"Okay. Can you be more specific?"

"Ever since he proposed, he had a habit of tracing his thumb over my engagement ring, absentmindedly. I can still feel his thumb." My fingers trace over the ring. It's still shining as if it's new.

"You guys were happy. Happiness is very important in life."

"We both didn't talk much because we were simply enjoying each other's company. We stopped at a signal."

"We can continue this next week, Miss Thompson. You can rest."

"Time is a very amazing thing, doctor. One moment you have everything in the world and in a blink, everything is gone. I want to continue."

"Okay."

"The signal turned green. Even though the road was empty, Thomas always followed rules. We hadn't even crossed the road, a truck came by and that's it. Everything is gone."

"Do you remember what happened after your accident?"

"I felt numb at first. We were upside down. Then I felt an unbearable sharp pain in my abdomen and I realized that my baby was in danger. It was like everything was stopped."

"Did you look at Thomas?"

"Yes. His head was bleeding too much because our windshield had broken."

"Do you know who saved you, brought you to the hospital?"

"A woman." I can never forget her face but nobody will believe me. Nobody ever did. I don't want to go through that phase again.

"Can you describe her?"

"No, I don't remember her." I lied.

"Miss Thompson, I am very sorry for your losses. You are very brave to share all these things with me, but I would really like it if you would look at me."

I finally shift my gaze from the bookshelf beside me and look at my new therapist. My seventh therapist in two years.

"Miss Thompson, life is very unpredictable. It can give you your source of happiness as well as take away. You can only cherish each moment of it. What happened to you is a part of your life and try to move on."

Move on? I chuckle humorlessly. "It's easier said than done, doctor. I can't. I have lost many people in my life. If I move on, I might lose more."

"Did you try?"

"I tried to join Thomas and my baby."

"You are still young and thriving Miss Thompson. Harming yourself and suicide are not the only options. You can start fresh. I'll be there to help you. Your parents are there to help you. All of us are waiting for you."

"Thank you doctor."

"Our first session is done successfully. Can you believe it? An hour is already over." Of course. My parents pay for it.

"I feel a little better doctor. Thank you." I lie.

"Well Miss Thompson, I'll see you in a week and I want to see a new and hopefully a better Maria by that time."

We both get up from our chairs and shake our hands.

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Maria? Can I call you Maria?"

"Yeah, it's fine. "

"What do you want to say, Maria?"

"I didn't lose Thomas and my baby that night."

Her brow raises. "What did you lose then?"

"I lost myself."

END OF SESSION ONE

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