Christmas Wishes

Part 1/1

            When Ella invited me to her Christmas party a few weeks ago, it never occurred to me that Karlie might be there too. Yet, here she is, right across the room under the shimmering lights. She seems to glow alongside them, if not outshining their luminosity. Transfixed, I look at her like she's the centerpiece of a winter snowglobe. She must feel my steady gaze because she turns her head towards me mid conversation. I shift my eyes elsewhere, embarrassed to admit she caught me staring, and disappear into the crowd.

I notice the festive decorations spread throughout the space in an effort to distract myself. Wreaths hang on every door, adorned with glimmering pinecones and little sprigs of holly. Tinsel coats the staircase and the DJ booth, which booms with the familiar holiday tunes we all know and love. Spotting the refreshment table, I make a beeline for a hefty glass of spiked cider. It's not until Karlie approaches and points it out to me that I notice we're standing under the mistletoe.

Shocked, my body stiffens in fear, except for my eyes that look up to confirm her discovery. She's close enough for me to smell her perfume, but far enough away that a stranger would assume we're just having a friendly conversation. I remain frozen as she fixes her drink, trying to rationalize my strong desire to inch closer into her personal space. Before I can make any sense of my thought process, she steps into mine. Her green eyes sparkle as she looks over me, then says, "Funny meeting you here."

I take a long sip of my cider, and then regard her from my new position just inches away. Every part of me wants to kiss her, but I also know that if we started, we might never stop. That'd be way too much of a spectacle for our nosy mutual friends. My chest starts to fill with panic as I remember the drama we experienced just weeks ago due to other people's involvement in our broken relationship. My paranoia grows when I remember snakes could be lurking right around the corner, so I excuse myself to the restroom in a hurry.

It's there that I allow myself to fall apart. The tears stream down my face faster than I can wipe them away, leaving a mascara trail in their wake. My body slumps down the wall, and I pull my knees up to my chest. We were so close to having what we've both wanted for so long until I fled like a deer in headlights, all because I'm afraid of what others will think. In this moment, I'm sick of allowing other people's opinions to control me. Once I realize the sense of personal power I feel for taking ownership of my thoughts, I pick myself up off the floor and reapply my lipgloss in the mirror. It's Christmastime for God's sake, so I'm going to choose love over fear.

Walking out of the bathroom with a more dignified swagger, I make my way onto the dance floor where I find Karlie taking center stage as usual. "May I have this dance?" I ask her when I'm near. She turns around as soon as she hears my voice and watches my lips form the words as I speak. With a shy smile, she takes my hand to twirl me around. Just as we start to grow comfortable with the upbeat tempo, it switches to a rendition of my favorite Christmas song, Silent Night.

The space between our bodies seems colossal compared to the other couples dancing around us. We both step forward at the same time, running into each other clumsily. Apologies are mumbled as we realize our anxiousness to touch. She places a tentative hand high on my waist, which I move down to my hip with a devious smirk. I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her close. It's been too long since I've held her in such an intimate way.

We move together for the entirety of the slow song. I become still in her arms as it ends but don't pull away yet. That must spur her on, because she lifts my chin up towards her even as the melodramatic beat of a pop song rings out in the background, and whispers that she's missed me like crazy. My breath hitches at her confession, certainly a product of my own getting stuck in my throat. She doesn't wait for me to get it out though, just leans in to capture my lips with her own.

"Looks like my Christmas gift came a few days early this year," I tease after a few meaningful kisses.

Karlie tightens her grip on me, then brushes her lips against my ear to tell me, "You did pretty good for being on the naughty list."

I shiver, completely caught off guard by her lewd comment. She used to only say those things to me in private, so hearing it in a room full of our closest friends left me helpless and wanting.

"Take me home." I tell her, unable to stop my body from grinding up against her to the music. I know she understands, but she wants to toy with me a bit longer.

"You want me to drop you off at your apartment?" she clarifies, sarcasm dripping from her voice. She's begun to guide my hips in their rhythmic movements.

"I don't want to go to my apartment," I mutter, already breathless, "I want you to take me home."

She takes pity on me then, and lifts my squirming body up into her arms right in the middle of the dancefloor, then carries me out like a party favor. I've never felt so unabashedly proud to love someone, and so excited to spend the rest of the night proving it.