"No, you don't!" and it sounded like a command. The woman was surprised, that tone had not meant to be, as her face showed. Although, I did not mind it, she felt embarrassed. As I knocked at the door, she excused herself, she had to take care of the husband with sclerosis. As it was among friends I unconsciously shared I had the same condition - just before her voice commanded I didn't. It felt very spiritual to me, like someone else was talking, too. Though I felt good, most of those days were unpredictable and full of body pain. It is still a vivid memory how God talked through her in that very moment. I was on a crusade to help people, to offer them at least a chance to meet Heavenly Father.
The Sun shone that door and I left the porch in prayers...
There were harder days, most of them were. None of my fellowmen knew I had bondages under the clothes and it took me a longer process to be able to get up and stand firm or sit. I could not be a burden for them, it was a promise I made, to be the most supportive and best server, in silence. It had been told I would spend the last few months on Earth and wanted to make absolute offerings before I go. It was not only me who had to offer this. I could not be as mature as I should have. A day expanded to hundred years of experiences. Everyday, I had to climb to Heaven in heart, and I was lost often. It was God who visited me through others...
I was standing in the middle of the city, in a silent street. The Sun was shining, it felt warm and calm as the air was touching my skin. I closed my eyes and breathed in. I knew, this is one of the last breath on Earth and I accepted it. It was a tranquil moment. My legs were unable to move anymore. Statue of the passing life. I smiled to Heavenly Father with gratitude, He showed me a different life.
As I looked ahead, I saw a few detached houses. Sorrow grew in my heart and tears came to my eyes. It was an intense pain inside that I was unable to take the love and heart of God and the Messiah to them. Praying to ask let someone more capable to be guided to them I was shivering. I felt a loneliness deeper than the Universe and an everlasting longing of love. I could see through the walls and see the families and their lives. I was begging, sobbing and crying out loud: "Now! Please, let someone to come here, to save them! I don't know how but You can do it, please, Heavenly Father! I don't want them to suffer more! I don't want You to suffer more... I am sorry, I really wanted to help You, but it was too late for me, You were there always and I didn't want to see You, I'm sorry, God. You gave me this Blessing to help and be in Your shoes a little bit, although I was unworthy for it. You know that I felt the most happy but my body can not take anymore. Please, don't let these people in this city to suffer more, please, guide someone here for them! Thank You...!"
As the doctors had foretold, it was the final moment.
Suddenly, a strong command appeared in me like a bolting sound. Truth in my bone marrow. "If you can not walk, run!"
I felt energy and my pain eased. I started to run. The bondages on my feet loosened and was running even faster. I knocked on the doors with a smiling heart. It was an unprecedented joy to be liberated to share God with the people. I ran door to door even the smallest distances. As I was giving, more and more energy and life I felt.
Those days were not always easy, whenever I failed, being immature, my condition started to re-appear. I was desperate for myself then but more desperately loving for others.
I created challenges, running up in the stairs in a high building, and immediately knocking, talking, sharing, asking. I lived in a constant prayer, a dream, a communication...
Years passed and yet I am still on the Earth. Unexplainable medical wonder I am. The scale is inside, reminding me to the right direction.