Because I'm Different || Dan Howell

Chapter 14 - Teardrops

I woke up with a start. Was it a bad dream? It had to be. I went to stand but was held down by limbs of a person. Dan. I guess it wasn't a dream...

Our legs were tangled and I was embedded in his chest. His eyes were closed and he was breathing lightly. I untangled our legs and slid out of his grasp so that he was led comfortably on his side. I pushed the duvet back over onto him and exited the room. I crept over to the bathroom, patting the floor in front of me with my foot first before putting all my weight down. Finally, I made the bathroom, flicked the light on, opened the door carefully and went in, closing the door behind . I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and looked in the mirror. My hair was one massive birds nest. I had the largest and darkest bruise, I had ever seen, on the left side of my face, covering my eye. Swollen. A split lip, and marks and scratches down my neck. I lifted my top to reveal bruises and cuts. I then slowly pushed down the sides of the joggers to show hand marks imprinted in my sides, claw like cuts that had been dug into my flesh. I looked back into the mirror. I was ugly. I was stupid. I was gullible. I was worthless. I broke down. Backing up to the wall, hitting it lightly and sunk to the floor. The tears kept coming like the night they did before. Curling up into a ball like the night before. Longing to just die like the night before. I cried. The memories of 'him' growing more and more vivid in my mind the more I thought. The realization that I was actually nearly raped hit me.

"Sam?!" A worried voice called from the hallway. I tried to stop but I couldn't. The door opened to show a scared and very worried Phil. He swooped down towards me and hugged me.

"It's okay, Sam. You're safe with me and Dan..." He babbled on, swaying me back and fourth. I sobbed into his chest. He put his chin on top my head and swayed me in a steady motion until I slowly stopped.

"Nothing will hurt you again, I promise." He said into my hair. My breathing was catching up, as he gently swayed me.

"Come on. Let's get you back to sleep." He said, after a while, softly and calmly and he slowly stood up, me still in his arms. He walked me back into his room where he opened up the covers and helped me in.

"I'll be back to check on you later. Get some sleep." He sighed. I nodded, not questioning because I didn't have the strength in me. Turning on his heel, he walked to the door and left, leaving it open the tiniest bit.

I heard him wake up Dan. They talked for a bit in whisper so I couldn't hear. I rolled over carefully, trying to avoid memories. Tears filled my eyes but I refused to let them spill. I wanted to die. Was it bad that I wanted that? Was I selfish? Was I stupid? But I was already stupid. I let that happen. There is no point of me. 

All the thought kept spinning around and around. The decision between life and death. But...I can't disappear. I have my ray of light. Friends, family...would they miss me?

I drifted to sleep...

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I snapped up, really hurting my stomach and sides. I winced in pain and flopped back. I gave a small laugh at how stupid that was. This time, I got up slower, using my forearms to prop me up. I pushed my feet out of the warm covers and onto the floor. I stood up, gently, and walked to the door. I pushed it open and stepped out to the hallway. There was talking from downstairs. I descended down them to see Dan and Phil talking...and Luke. My mouth dropped as he turned to see me. He ran over to me, embracing me. I hugged him tightly back. This time, the tears did spill. I suppose it was from mixed emotions. I hadn't seen him in a long time. He was like a brother.

We pulled away after a while and he stood back at arms length from me, hands on my shoulders. He was crying too. Only a little bit but it was crying. 

He gave a short laugh through tears. "You've been through a lot." 

I nodded and laughed too. "Yep."

He just looked at me for a while, studying the bruises and marks over my face and neck. He sighed, his shoulders noticeably loosening. It took a few moments before he said something I wasn't expecting.

"Sam..." Luke started but sighed. "Sam. Please don't get mad but..." He bit his lip. "...I'm going to Las Vegas for a while." I just stared at him. My eyebrows became heavy and my mouth drooped. 

"How long is a while?" I bluntly asked.

"A couple of months. Dad is very ill and mum is full time working to get money so she needs someone to look after him. I'm so sorry." He said, gravely. I understood. Family always came first, no matter what.

"It's fine. I completely understand." I said, wiping away drops of tears that had reached my chin. He lightened up.

"I promise to come straight back and hug you and never let you go again." He said, squishing me lightly in his muscular build. I laughed, gently pushing him away. "But since the...incident..." He said, indicating the day before. "Me, Phil and Dan have decided and agreed on you staying with them for a while. They are gonna look after you." 

I was a little stunned to say the least. I looked past Luke to Dan and Phil who both stood sheepishly, faces full of sorrow but had a small smile placed upon them. I smiled, but turned back to unsure. 

"I can't intrude, Luke. I mean, they have done so much for me already and is it really necessary?" I loudly whispered to him. He sighed.

"Yes, it is. After what you have been through, definitely. Plus, they suggested it, not me." He said, putting his hands up. I chuckled and resumed my slight internal annoyance of him leaving.

"I'll miss you." I said, punching his arm. He laughed.

"I'll miss you more." He said hugging me. 

We said our goodbyes and he left in a black taxi. I felt empty without him. Well, knowing that he was going to another country. I turned around to Dan and Phil who looked somewhat tired but awake at the same time. Before I started to cry uncontrollable again, they surrounded me in a large hug and we just stayed there. It was nice and comforting. Homely...