A Broken Soul

Chapter Thirteen

                I couldn’t think or speak. My brain seemed to just shut down and my heart was picking up where it left off. It was working double time, thumping inside my chest.

                I let out a strangled choking sound and somehow managed to get out, “I need to be excused.”

                I rushed up and Kale pointed towards the back, where I hoped to find a bathroom. He had a smile on his face and I felt like he was staring into my soul. I was going to puke.

                I ran through the beads and jerked my head around, looking for the bathroom. I didn’t even stop to look around. Straight ahead I saw a toilet through a door and darted towards it.

                I immediately bent over the toilet and emptied my stomach. I felt so sick. My emotions were swirling, causing my stomach to turn and me to puke again. My stomach and my heart were constricting painfully and tears escaped my eyes.

                I finally stood and look at myself the small mirror above the sink. My eyes were getting red from the mascara leaking into them, and my hair was in a mess. I sighed and tried my best to soothe it. I splashed my face and once I got myself looking human again, I looked hard at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t concentrating on the actual physical features, but rather trying to see myself as a person.

                I knew what I had to do, but could I really? Could I break his heart and tell them that I didn’t feel those amazing sparks? That my world didn’t shatter and revolve around him now?

I liked him, that much I knew. Hell, I was pretty sure I was falling in love. FALLING, being the key word. Not really there yet but on my way. I wasn’t… mates though. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the pain that came with that one thought.

Me and Lucas were not mates.

Well, by my standards. He felt differently.

Why would the Gods screw us like this? I could handle it if the roles were reversed. I would manage being so attached to Lucas. I could not manage hurting him though. He saved me! I breathed deeply and considered my options. I couldn’t hurt Lucas. I just couldn’t.

 A few minutes later, I left the bathroom and made my way to the living area where Kale and Lucas were. I had made up my mind somewhere between my breakdown and touching the door knob to leave.

I paused outside the door with the beads. I could hear Kale and Lucas talking. They didn’t sound stressed or worried. They were laughing and talking about some trip they had taken a few years previously. That was a relief. That would make this easier. I felt my hands begin to tingle and burn. I was so nervous.

I let out a deep breath and pushed all worries aside. I had to do this. I was a strong girl.

I walked firmly into the room and smiled in their general direction but tried very hard to avoid all eye contact until I was seated comfortably. I shifted and took a sip of my tea, which had gone cold. And then I adjusted my cup on the plate. I knew I was stalling.

Kale cleared his throat and I slowly raised my gaze to meet his. He gave me a knowing smile and I almost thought I was going to puke again, but the feeling ceased when Lucas put his hand over mine on the table. I smiled at him, looking over towards him for the first time. He gave me one of his winning smiles and butterflies erupted in my stomach. He was so gorgeous. He gently rubbed my hand with his thumb and I knew I could never hurt this boy. He was so wonderful and I wanted to spend forever with him.

In that moment, I knew.

I smiled widely at him and turned back to Kale. “I apologize. I was… overwhelmed by Lucas’s declaration.” I said simply, squeezing Lucas’s hand in my own. Kale nodded and said, “That is quite alright my dear. We had an enjoyable conversation about the past. Such good times, right Lucas?” he said with a laugh that Lucas returned with one of his deep chuckles. Chills erupted all over my body and I felt the overwhelming urge to lean into Lucas.

                I wanted to feel the rumbles of his laughter vibrate through my body. I wanted to be surrounded by him. What was this? I shoved these weird carnal feelings down deep and tried to focus.

                Mmm, but how could I with how delicious Lucas sounded? A mental image of us naked flashed through my mind and I felt my stomach warm and I almost growled in delight.

                I gasped internally at myself. What was I? Some psycho wanton?            

                I cleared my throat and then said, “Well, I’m glad I wasn’t too terribly rude.”

                “Of course not my dear. Now, on to more serious matters. I need to know Amethyst, how are you feeling towards Lucas?”

                I blinked a few times and looked down. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. All I could think about was my thoughts just a moment ago. How was I going to tell him that I was thinking about him naked!? That I wanted him every which way right now. I coughed slightly and looked up.

                “Umm… I… uhh, well I really…” I stuttered and stumbled out. I felt so awkward.

                “Oh! I just remembered! I am all out of Lupulin and Lavender, both of which will be essential for you Amethyst. Oh Gods. Umm, Lucas? Could you run to the herb shop and get me a bag of each?” Kale asked suddenly.

                I let out a breath of relief, thankful for the distraction.

                Lucas agreed of course and not a few moments later, was gone.

                As the door shut, it became silent. Kale was refilling our tea cups and bringing out fresh homemade bread for us to eat.

                I smiled and thanked him as he sat down.

                “Now that he is gone you can tell me what is troubling you my child. And I have a feeling it is about how you feel.” He said, taking a sip of his tea.

                I gaped at him, not so lady like. He laughed softly and said, “I have been doing this for a long time. I have learned to pick up on things. While Lucas may think you’re just overwhelmed, I know the truth. You don’t think you’re mates, do you darling?”

                My heart dropped into my stomach and I looked down in shame. I felt so horrible. I was so defective and broken. I couldn’t even love correctly.

                I shook my head no, and fiddled with my thumbs.

                “Ahh, and easy solution, that is.” Kale said happily. I jerked my head up and leaned into Kale.

                Solution? I could be fixed?!

                I leaned forward and cupped Kale’s hands in mine. “You mean…” I whispered, unable to finish my sentence.

                “Yes my dear. The reason you did not the intense reaction that Lucas had was because you are not connected with your wolf any longer. She had long since felt so abused and neglected due to your entrapment, she has retreated. That is why you have not felt her. Without feeling your wolf child, you will not feel your mate. So, we have to reconnect you with your wolf!”

                Joy burst inside me upon hearing this. I would get my wolf back and get to keep Lucas and feel for him as he felt for me. Tears gathered in my eyes and I launched myself into Kale’s arms.

                “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” I cried, hugged him tight. He laughed and returned the hug. I held onto him for a bit before sitting back down and wiping away the tears. I was so happy.

                “So how do we do this?” I asked, eager to get it on with.

                “Well, we have to kill you.” He said, smiling.

                What the hell?