Jessica POV
After my removal in girls generation, I vowed to do my best to show sm ent. that I can both be a business woman and an artirst. I felt betrayed that my so called sisters/members did not do anything to protect my place in the group despite the fact that they know about my hardship to build the Blanc & Eclare.
Sisters, they were my sisters for more than 10 years yet they did not do anything and just watched my removal to the group. I cried every night since the day of Sept. 30,2014. A nightmare for me and my groups fans, where 9 people who they believed will be an indestructible group can be destroyed by fate. However, no matter how hurt i was for my members doings I know that they are just protecting the group, OUR fans. If there's one thing I know about Girls' Generation, it is that every members love every fans the we have. The fans who were with us through good and bad times. They were our strength but also our weakness.
I know that the girls were probably forced to keep quiet and do nothing for our fans. Where devils are manipulating my members to follow the orders or else not giving them any comebacks or project for our fans to suffer. I somewhat understand them but also hurt that none of them, not even 1 of them try to contact me or at least concern to how I am doing. I miss them, I miss them everyday. I didn't have a chance to meet one of them yet because of my schedules and of course there is also a battle of pride about who would contact first.
I currently in my room after a long day in Blanc when my younger sister barged into my room unannounced screaming on top of her lungs.
"UNNIE!!! You have to see this!!" Krystal shouted at me.
"Yah! Soojung your too loud!! I am so tired!!!" I shouted back
"Mian unnie~~ but you really need to watch this" giving me her phone where I see a video of sunny in her radio show. Clicking the play button to know what my sister is fussing about.
Sunny is listening to Roy Kim's song home looking blank in her seat. After the song, she started to introduce the radio show and say what she felt about the song. "Honestly, I get absent-minded when I listen to this song. Hmmm, I feel like it's my story. A song I want someone I know to listen to, I really relate to the lyrics." I felt my heart clenched when i see her trying to carefully composing her words about the song.
"I don't think you're listening but, I hope you know that if you're tired or alone, you can always come back home. It's just something I wanted to say to a friend." ending the video. I didn't realize that my tears were already falling when Krystal touched my face to wipe away it away.
"Unnie, I know that you're hurt, but you need to understand that they don't want you're removal in your group. They just don't have a choice but to follow. Trust me, I saw their faces that day, they were heartbroken as you are" Krystal speaks with her soft voice.
"I know Krys, it's just that... Sigh~~~" I paused
"Can you please give me time to be alone. I just want to think for now." I told her with my eyes looking down in my bed
"But unnie..." Krystal tried to reason.
"Please???" I pleaded looking her in the eye.
"Fine but sooner or later you guys need to fix this." she said leaving me in my room.
"So they really do care. I need see them, I need to talk to them. I miss you girls. I'm coming home. Please wait for me" I whispered laying in my bed falling asleep with tears and smile in my face.
