Realize (COMPLETED)

7.

JK

I have to get the fuck out of here!

This girl, Lisa or whatever the hell she calls herself, is fucking nuts. She belongs in a mental institution if she thinks she's going to keep me locked in her house as a prisoner for her freaky, sexual needs. I don't have a problem fucking her if it means she'll let me go, there's no doubt in my mind that she's a good lay. Those broad shoulders and that cute butt don't go unnoticed; in fact it just makes me want to fuck her even more.

This would happen to me. It's like I have a neon sign glowing across my forehead "Kidnap me. Rape me. Beat me up." I'm a fucking danger magnet.

No it's karma.

All the bad shit I've ever done in my life is coming back on me. This Lisa girl is Satan and being in this room is my own personal hell. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that this is the way my life would end. Tied to a bed and alone.

It really makes you think about all the crazy shit you've gone though, and it makes you wonder how the hell you aren't dead by now. It literally feels like every person who has hurt me sucked out a piece of my soul and now I'm just a worthless shell of a person.

It all started with Dam-bi...The worthless bitch that gave birth to me, not because she wanted to. If she had it her way I would have been aborted, but as her punishment for being a little slut Gran made her have me. She resented me every day of my life and when Gran died I should have too...Then I wouldn't have had to go live with her. I wouldn't have had to be tortured by a man and his son for fun while my fucking dead beat ass mother was in the other room getting high, or watching them rape me.

I used to wish that something bad would happen to her, something that would hurt her so deep she might understand my pain. Four years later I got my wish in the form of the police telling me that the reason why I hadn't seen Dam-bi or her pedophile husband Jang-hoon in a few days was because they were dead. Killed in a car crash on their way to buy drugs...They let me pack a bag and then took me to a group home. I was a ward of the state of California, and I had nowhere to go. I plotted my escape for about a week and it was fairly easy to slip out without anyone noticing. The only thing on my mind was to run, so I did.

San Francisco was huge and intimidating for a thirteen year old girl who was never allowed out of the house, except to go to school. We had only lived there for about three years. It wasn't Phoenix so I hated it. Phoenix was home, that's where Gran was. I wanted to go home, to her house, to sleep in my old bed and take a bath in her whirlpool tub...I knew that wasn't possible and the house probably belonged to someone else by then. I dreamed about it every single night though.

After being on the street for two weeks my life looked hopeless. I was trying to steal a bag of chips from a store when I bumped into a man that would change everything. Alec was smooth, I'll give him that. I remember thinking he was so handsome. Coal black hair, gray eyes, and pale skin. He was tall and strong, a protector. He took me in with no questions asked. He gave me food for my stomach, a roof over my head, and a warm body to sleep next to each night. It was very naïve of me to trust this man, this stranger who appeared in my life, but at least it was better than sleeping next to a dumpster. Without him who knows what would have happened to me and therefore when he told me who he really was, I accepted it and became whatever he needed me to be.

He brought me to LA, and the rest they say is history.

The years I worked for Alec brought many life lessons. I was his secret weapon, bringing in sometimes two grand every night. He never let me out of his sight and I was grateful for that. No one ever hurt me because they knew Alec would kill them, but even he wasn't enough to keep the dreams away. I like to think that he loved me in his own way and I cared for him deeply...But I was unhappy, and he knew it. I didn't want to work for him any longer; instead I wanted to find my own way, so he let me go. I think he had higher hopes for me than I ever did for myself and maybe that's why he didn't put up a fight when I told him I wanted to leave.