Chapter 15

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It had been a few days since John had returned home and Lucy still hadn't told him about the journal. It was Wednesday and he was in bed next to her, an arm over his face.

"John...are you awake?"

"Hmmm?" he mumbled turning over.

"John, I need to talk to you about something."

"Lucy, can we talk about it later babe? I'm so tired."

Lucy sighed, "Yeah...I guess we can."

John opened one eye and stared at her, "You gave up easily. Something's wrong. What is it?"

"Gave up easily? What are you talking about?" Lucy was playing with the edge of the blanket.

"C'mon Lucy. Normally if I say no you try to change my mind. Doesn't matter what it is. You just totally caved right now. So what's wrong?" John sat up and waited for her to tell him.

A million thoughts ran through her mind, "I just wanted to know if you had to go to bowling tonight."

He gave her a disbelieving look, "That's what you wanted to ask me?"

She nodded.

"I call BS. What's going on Luce?"

Lucy knew he called her Luce because he was trying to find out what was wrong. She gave him a weak smile, "John...do you think I make bad decisions?"

John pushed himself up so that his back was against the headboard, "Bad decisions? Where is this coming from so early in the morning?"

"I'm just curious what you think. Do you think I make bad decisions?"

She could practically see his mind working. She knew it was a loaded question. If he said no she would think he was just placating her and if he said yes, she would be hurt.

"I wouldn't say you make bad decisions but sometimes you make poor choices," John said scratching his chin in thought.

"That's just semantics John," Lucy groaned.

"Well how do you want me to answer Lucy?"

"With the truth!"

"Okay...fine. I'll tell you what I really think," John said in a tone that sounded like a warning.

Lucy cracked her knuckles, "I'm ready."

John shook his head in laughter, "I think that you make rash decisions. I think that sometimes you rush into things without really thinking about the consequences. And before you start feeling bad...don't. Because everyone does that. I repeat...everyone does that. Myself included Lucy. I don't always think things through. It's part of the reason that I love you. You aren't this anal person that's always fussy about crap that's not important."

He waited for Lucy to respond and to find out if he was going to get yelled at. When she didn't speak right away, he asked, "Are you mad?"

"No...but now I have another question."

"Lord help me," John slid under the covers.

"I know it was a bad decision when I got into that accident because I was drinking. I know that. Why did you stay with me?"

She could hear John sighing, "Lucy we've been through this. I love you. Why would I leave you?"

"But it was hard to stay with me, right? I was an alcoholic. I was moody. I lied to you. You felt betrayed, didn't you?"

These were all topics that they had gone over before but John always seemed to glaze over them with Lucy. Lucy wanted some reassurance that John would never leave her.

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