Bloodstream | Nate Jacobs

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Song for this chapter: Kill for you - Skylar Grey

"Lily, wait," Nate begged.

I continued to walk away in silence, carried away in my thoughts until I was at the carnival entrance.

"Please. I can explain."

"I don't need an explanation. You're a fool who kisses your ex-girlfriend. And let me guess you didn't mean to and it was all just the heat of the moment," I argued. Crossing my arms over my chest tightly.

"Don't leave me," Nate pleaded softly.

"God. I'm not going to fucking leave you. I'm just really and I mean really pissed off and hurt Nate. I fucking loathe her. I fucking hate absolutely everything about her including the fact that she had you first. I'd kill her. God if I knew you wouldn't be upset with me. I would do it for you. So why fucking go and kiss her and make a fool out of me," I seethed through gritted teeth as I turned around to face Nate.

"Keep your voice down," Nate warned.

"What!? Are afraid of people finding out I'm some deranged psychopath that you're sleeping with. I'd fucking kill for you, Nate. I'll fucking kill anyone who gets in the way of our relationship. Let that be a warning to both you and her," I muttered under my breath.

As much as I was pissed off at Nate. That still a secret that I wasn't ready to share with everyone. Nate stood silently, starring down at me with dark eyes.

"What did I finally make you realize how fucked up I am," I grumbled, suddenly feeling very insecure for giving so much of myself away.

"Nope," Nate spoke popping the 'p', "I was admiring how you're my little psycho."

"Nate," I growled, "I'm not in the mood to be teased."

"Let me take you home so you can change," Nate offered, with a soft look in his eye and a smile painted on rough lips.

"Fine," I grunted. "But I want food. And you're paying."

"Yeah, yeah," Nate taunted, pulling out his truck keys out of his pocket.

The drive home was fairly uncomfortable. I was feeling rather insecure and embarrassed about my declaration of murder for my loved one. But I couldn't stop the hurt that poured through my veins and burned like acid in my lungs. With each passing minute. The pain grew.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to fight.

I wanted to cry.

But I couldn't bring myself to do anything. It hurt so much that even the thought of fighting with him was exhausting. I was so damn angry that I couldn't even shed a tear. When Nate begged for me not to leave him it not only pissed me off more but it broke my heart. I was so angry that he would plead for something from me that was only my worst nightmare. When I turned the corner to see the image in front of me. I was so fucking scared that he would leave me. But instead, here he was driving me to get food, after following me and begging that I didn't leave him. I was confused.

It hurt so fucking bad seeing the way he had taken out his frustration on her. When it should have been me. It should have been his hands wrapped around my throat. It should have been my lips that he was kissing after losing his temper. It was such an unfamiliar selfish feeling. Was I pleading to be hurt physically by Nate? Was I jealous that he choked someone that wasn't me?

"You're oddly silent," Nate spoke breaking the tense silence.

"I don't have anything to say," I snapped back. "Are we close to the food place yet?"

Just as I finished speaking my stomach let out a low grumble. I wasn't kidding on the hungry part. My stomach was starting to hurt from the lack of food. And I was so ready for a hot shower and my bed. Would Nate be staying with me still? Or would I be sleeping alone with my thoughts?

"Yes. We are almost there," Nate answered.

His attitude had changed since we had first gotten into the truck. His shoulders were dropped and his eyes looked saddened while he watched the road cautiously.

"Look," Nate murmured. "I know you don't want an explanation. And I don't expect to be forgiven. I lost my temper and then I panicked. I kissed her because I just wanted it to all go away. It was stupid and I can tell you are mad at me because of how silent you have been."

I looked down at my lap, staring down hard at my hands that were folded in my lap. The end of my sweater balled up in my fists.

"Does it make me a fool that I am more upset that you hurt her and not me," I mumbled out nervously. "I don't like that hurt her. When you could have just hurt me."

Nate cocked his head to the side and stared at me for a moment. His lips parted but quickly formed back into a straight line.

"I just want to be the only one that your hands touch. I love you so much that I want the good with the bad. I know I'm a bitch and that I fight you a lot. But it's just who I am. While I'm insulting you. I still just love you so much." I spoke anxiously while still starring down at my hands.

"I don't ever want to hurt you that way Lily," Nate responded plainly, his attention still watching the road.

"I really don't mind at all. I mean it. I'm okay being hurt by you. Nothing would make me happier," I smiled sheepishly.

It hurt. It hurt so fucking much to smile right now. But I just wanted everything to be better. I just wanted us to make it better so this pain in my chest would go away.

"Why do you gotta go and be all cute like that," Nate groaned, "And isn't it supposed to be me trying to make the situation better."

Nate pulled the truck over onto the side of the road and pulled the truck into park. I continued to stare silently into my hands, I could feel his gaze on me. I looked up at him with watery eyes and a painted-on smile my lips.

"I'll do anything. Please just don't kiss anyone else again," I pleaded, my lip quivered as the tears fell from my cheek.

I just wanted to scream. I wanted to wallow and choke in my tears.

"God. I'm an asshole," Nate breathed out while leaning towards me in his seat. His hand cupped the side of my cheek while his thumb wiped away the tears. "I'm so sorry. I promise you that from now on. That you are the only girl I will ever touch, hurt, kiss, and love."

"Could you imagine if people saw the inside of our relationship," I whimpered out, "I'm sure they would put us in straight jackets and keep us far far apart."

"Yeah, they probably would. But you have to admit that even though we are both really fucked up it kind of works. At least we can be ourselves and we aren't hiding a huge piece of ourselves to protect everyone around us," Nate leaned further towards me. His lips inched from mine. His hot breath lingered against my skin.

I stared down at his lips, and the pain felt like it was going to burst right through the seams. In all of my life, I have never felt anything that made me want to literally crawl into my bed and die. But I couldn't bring myself to show him how bad it hurt, because I couldn't endure the thought of him leaving me alone for even a second.

"Can we just stop with all the sappy shit. I'm still starving over here. And a shower would be really appreciated right now," I spoke while turning my head away from him.

I starred out the truck window into the darkness that lingered outside of the glass. My cheeked burned from my flustered thoughts.

"Okay," Nate responded quickly.

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Sigh. Such a fucked-up relationship. 

But Nate is like an absolute babe so like he is allowed to be an psycho. 

I hope in season 2 he is even more fucked up honestly.