170 Letters [3 ~ 4]

201 7 5

Day 4.

Dear Shan, I hope you're feeling well. These past 4 days have been the hardest, all of them. I miss you so much, I'm afraid my heart may jump from my chest in search for you. Tell Shia that her Dad misses her more than alot. I have no clue what I'm doing, it really is the hardest thing I've ever done, the scariest thing. In your gorgeous eyes I'm sure, the worst thing, but I have to. I'm sitting under a white willow tree, of course, I won't be here by the time I send this, by the time you get it. I'm leaving a single rose, hidden in the tree for you, I came across in a quiet town. "They have the calmest lakes, the cleanest air, and the nicest people" It shouldn't take you long to figure out so far where I've been these past four days. I hate it that I had to leave you like I said I'd never even think of, I hate it that I have to miss out on Shia growing up. Please just don't cry Shannon, you know I don't wanna leave you honey. It's my loss, I'm the fool who was lucky to ever be in your world. You're probably feeling lost..so do I. As much as I try to pull you from me, the more you enter my thoughts. The more I tell myself I'm gone to you, the more I dream of you wrapped up in my arms. Don't feel guilty, like you always do. Why do you always find some way to link yourself to be at fault? Honey, don't blame yourself, it wasn't you, it wasn't Shia that made me be so horrible. Don't shed a single tear, don't go a night sleeping alone. You and Shia fall asleep together, never feel alone or abandoned. Look around you, there's the most important thing in the world to you, our little Shia. She's there, ready to soak in everything, ready to learn whatever is offered. Rub your nose against hers, kiss her cheek Shannon. Who could feel anything but on top of the world when that smile shines up at you? Her laughter keeps ringing through my ears, it's breaking me Shan. I wish I could walk through the front door and grab onto you tightly. How could I show my face to you again? How could I dare go back there, with my head bowed in shame? I don't deserve to love you, like a worm and a queen. I've yet to gain control over this world, this life. That just isn't fair to you, Shia, my family. What happened Shannon, why did this all happen? I wish this nightmare away every second, every moment I can bare to think of what I've done. Believe me, I'm so sorry to put you through this mess. Please look back one day and forgive me, one day remember good times, fade the worst of it from you. I hope that one day you'll smile at the thought of me, and possibly remember when you fell in love with me.

I love you more than time could ever catch up with.


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