Chapter Twenty-three Moonlight Sonata
It's been so long now, I don't know what to think. Your packages have slowed from three or four a week to as many a month. Your song on the wind comes sporadically when you once sang to me every night. Are you forgetting about me? Are you losing interest? It's a fear I have as time passes. That you'll remain in my thoughts as you do now, every day, but that I will fade from your memory. There could be no worse fate.
What are you doing all this time? The flowers have bloomed, the world is green again and the students have taken the O.W.L.S. I gave my final exam today. Soon it will be a year. You've been gone far too long, Sara. I miss you! Everyone said it would get easier as I went along, but they were wrong. The misery I feel at the thought of you is every bit as painful as it was at first, it has just become easier to hide. I only hope you come home soon.
And a home we will have! We could live in the many rooms I have carved under the house. And the house itself has been begun. The whole front, two stories high has been constructed, the base for the little tower is in and the ells have been sealed off with sheets of plastic while the rear part of the house is built. That half hasn't yet been started, as the front half is nothing more than stone walls, bare bones really, and needs to be plumbed and wired still.
I changed the design a bit to include a massive lobby modeled after the room I take my fencing lessons in. It's cool, you'll love it. It takes up a good deal of the upstairs, but it's well worth it. Thirty foot ceiling and six pillars down the center in pairs. There will eventually be marble floors and Brad is arranging for the work to be done. You're family was lucky to have him, Sara. He's indispensable and understands our need for secrecy in certain matters. He only solicits Irish and Scottish contractors. Because of him the front half of the house will be done by the end of summer and the shell of the back should be erected by then, too. I think by next summer we'll be planting the courtyard gardens together. Unless you decide to call it off after what I tell you next.
There is something that weighs heavy on my mind and has since December. The Yule ball, actually. I left the great hall in search of solitude when Ginny found me, alone and sulking in the tower. I was upset over your absence and angry, if I recall, and somehow I ended up kissing Ginny again. It was very short, as I immediately came to my senses, but the fact that it happened at all has bothered me ever since. What does it mean? I still love you as I always have and I have the same, totally platonic feelings for Ginny.
In fact, she hates me now. We've barely spoken in six months and spend no time together. This was my doing. I was cold to her after that, though I had no reason to be, she had done nothing wrong. I suppose I see her as a threat to what I have with you, which I would rather die than compromise.
I wish I didn't have to tell you this at all, but you're right. Without honesty between us, there can be no hope for anything. Besides, I've had enough of secrets. Not that it's a secret here at Hogwarts, anyway. I'm sure half of England knows. You've probably read about it in Witch Weekly.
I paid for this mistake in the most humiliating of ways. First I got a howler while preparing for my last Monday class, the one Ginny is in, and Ron and Hermione took turns yelling at me for nearly a minute. I ran to my office with it, but not soon enough. Several students had already come in and a good lot of them were just outside the door and heard the whole thing. I went on with the lesson, pretending nothing out of the ordinary had happened, though the snickers and grins I received were totally embarrassing. On top of that, as if it weren't enough, I approached Ginny at dinner a month later, after ignoring her completely. I only wanted to apologize, but she promptly stood and threw her pumpkin juice in my face. The hall erupted with laughter and I could have died right then and there. Thankfully, McGonagall rushed right over and dragged me off, but first she took 20 points from her own house and gave Ginny detention.