Unthinkable

September ***Part 1

Senior Class Play Auditions.

Penny wore me down. She finally convinced me to audition. It's weird not being at volleyball every day after school. But I'm really trying to embrace this whole "new year, new Sam" thing.

I'm sitting with the A-Team, headphones covering only one ear, as we wait for our names to be called. Everyone else is operating at peak angst — it literally smells like Teen Spirit in here.

The mere fact that I'm sitting here is the result of my high school master plan crashing around me. I'm down to just one sport, and zero chance of anything even resembling popularity. I have nothing to lose here. Nothing left to lose. I'm uncharacteristically Zen about my impending audition.

Their chatter gives me something to block out as I study the audition passage from "The Crucible." Set in Salem, a town not too far from where we are, Stoneham, small town Massachusetts, where nothing happens, and everyone gossips about it. How appropriate.

"Am I late?" I'm jostled out of my trance by a tall, frazzled freshman. I'm guessing. Judging solely by the number of book bags. He plops down into the seat next to me, somehow managing to simultaneously spill out his backpack into and under the seats at the same time.

"Late for what?" I ask.

"Auditions." Does he know this isn't a comedy? He's a little too vaudeville.

"Ah, no. They are calling us in the order we signed up." I point towards the stage, down to the right, to the table where Penny and Ms. Levin are seated. "If you haven't put your name on the list, you should do that now."

"Great, thanks." He runs off, leaping over me in my seat, leaving his crap strewn about everywhere. Who is this character?

I'm picking mystery kid's paraphernalia out of my chair. It looks like he cleaned out Wayside Bazaar. "Hey Sam!" I turn to see Noelle sitting down behind me.

Noelle, another freshman, was part of our dance carpool. Well, she probably still is, I'm just not. She's one of those rare birds uniquely beautiful, but not threateningly, and insanely nice. And, if middle school trends continue, incredibly popular.

"Oh hey! You auditioning?"

"Yeah," Noelle said. "Penny kinda convinced me to do it. Said I could manage it even with Dance Company rehearsals. Since I don't have anything til Winter Cheering, I figured I'd give it a shot."

"Penny can be quite persuasive. Be fun to be on stage with you again."

For those keeping score, that's Penny — 2. Not auditioning — 0. The Bard would be proud.

"Samantha Andrews," Miss Levin announces over the speakers.

"Well, looks like I'm up! Break a leg in your audition!" I tiptoe over the rest of the book bags and pens scattered about and jog up the house left aisle to the stage.

Let's get this over with.

***

Dear Jesse —

Sitting in the auditorium this afternoon, the smell of the lights burning off its collection of summer dust, the scratch of the green wool seat covers, tape marks from shows long gone... I remembered how much I like theater. I realized that maybe I really did want to audition.

Maybe there is a chance I survive without volleyball.

Something about the energy in there. An electricity in the air. Maybe it's just the ghost in the catwalk. Or maybe there is something different in the air. Where is Mary Poppins when you really need her?

Better not get my hopes up. Those haven't been working too well for me lately.

I heard today that Coach cut two more junior girls from the JV team. Apparently, our entire class lacks athletic ability. Wait til Mrs. Andrews finds out, she's gonna have a field day with that one.

Xo
Sammy

***

"Oh my god, Shiv, I've got to tell you about this freshman kid, it was hilarious." Shiv and I are mid-way through our nightly phone marathon. We talk for like two hours every night, which drives our parents crazy. But they refuse to let us out of the house on school nights, so what else are we supposed to do?

Quality phone time is supremely important to Shiv — and to me too. Truthfully, we have logged so much phone time talking about everything and nothing that most of the time we just sit in silence on the phone for hours just watching TV and doing our homework. We've spent so many hours on the phone that I can tell how many ice cubes she has in her Diet Coke over the phone. She shakes the glass to test me. "Four cubes. Pink plastic cup. Straw." It's our weird little game.

"What type of straw?'

"Crazy straw. The purple one."

I've been dying to tell her about this kid since this afternoon. "So anyways, he comes in like a hurricane, carrying, I don't know, 17 book bags, clearly hasn't figured out his locker combination. He makes a huge racket as he stumbles down the row, then when he sits down, his backpack explodes everywhere. I mean everywhere. And seriously, who needs 35 erasers? This kid is a hot mess. Do you think your sister knows..."

She cuts me off "Shhh... 'Friends' is back." Got it. Tonight is the "Friends" season premiere. We'll pick up again at the next commercial break.

Shiv LOVES "Friends." Irrationally loves it. She loves "Friends" like I love "Ladybugs." She maybe doesn't have them all memorized yet. How could she? And she maybe doesn't have an audio recording to take on trips, say to volleyball camp, so she can listen to it when she doesn't have a TV.

But there are rules. You do not interrupt Shiv during "Friends," and you don't hang up the phone either! You just watch. In silence. I wonder if other people do this, or if we are the only crazy ones.

Who is this crazy muppet with the unhealthy eraser obsession? I need to know more. Hot damn, Ross has a new girlfriend. Shiv's got to be dying inside. Ooooh, hurry up commercial break.

***

"Friends": We can't wait to grow up and be like the gang on "Friends." Living in our own apartments, meeting up at the coffee shop. And getting out this town.

"Ladybugs": The Jonathan Brandis movie. I'm irrationally obsessed with this movie. I can recite the entire movie from start to finish by heart. Pretty sure my parents can too. I've watched it so many times that I wore out my first two VHS copies.