Chapter 59

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Hello everyone! I hope that all of you are having a good day! I just want to say please keep voting and commenting... It is really hard to see how drastically they have decreased....
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As I was walking towards the institute my mind was full. I felt horrible for assuming that Alec might have been hiding something from me which could have hurt me. Maybe he was hiding something that would protect me from getting hurt. Just like Dan did with Ava.

Dan knew which danger could come if Ava would know about the Shadow world. A mundane is fragile to everything of this unclear world. The demons, down worlders and even the shadowhunters. Dan lied to her to keep her safe...

Maybe Alec did too with me... I shouldn't be such a unappreciative girlfriend... How could I have been so selfish?

"What is on your mind?" Jace asked as we were walking towards the institute and I sighed. I smiled at him.

"Alec." I said and I saw how Jace rolled his eyes when I mentioned his name.

"You know for your poor brother's heart, please talk less about your boyfriend." Jace joked and I laughed. Jace smiled and pulled me into a hug.

"Be careful okay?" He said and I smiled.

"I will be, don't you trust me?" I asked and he smiled.

"I do trust you but not the others." He said and now I frowned. What did he mean with that? I knew that Liz Lightwood had broken his trust and that could have breached his trust over Alec and Izzy but it shouldn't have...

They were the complete opposite of Liz. I knew they were. They would never do such a thing as she did.

"Brother, I know that Liz broke your trust but I assure you that Alec and Izzy are not like that." I said softly as I looked at him. Jace looked away as he was softly shaking his head. I knew that everything felt like it was falling apart for him and to be honest, I would have felt like that too if Alec did that with me.

That's where the trust should come in... I should trust Alec that he would never hurt me. I don't think he is capable of doing that... I know that he loves me. Why would he ever want to hurt me? I knew he wouldn't...

"I thought that I could maybe marry Liz. We used to be together for almost three years but then broke up when I was focused on getting you back. She accused me of not being the perfect boyfriend and to be honest, I wasn't." He said as he let out a big sigh.

"I can't help but think how it could have gone if I paid more attention to her. Would she stay away from her father? Would she ever do such a thing as she did now? I am to blame for all of this. Her acting out and our mother's death." Jace said and I quickly shook my head.

"Stop it, Jace." I said quickly and angrily.

"This is your pain speaking." I said now more calmer. Jace looked at me with sadness in his eyes. He didn't look like the Jace who would joke around or laugh. That sparkle in his eyes looked like it was taken away from him.

"I might not understand how it feels when someone you love romantically breaks your heart but I sure as hell know how it feels to lose our mother." I said, still looking at my big brother. He bit his underlip and looked down. I knew that he was tearing up and it pained me to see him like this.

The last time he was upset, I thought he was going to do better but that wasn't the case at all. I didn't think that he was going to heal from this after we spoke about it. I knew it was going to take him time but I didn't knew that he was still blaming himself... He shouldn't be blaming himself.

"I know that you are so broken that you hardly can breathe. I know that it feels like everything you love is being taken away from you but somehow you are still standing. That makes you the strongest person I know Jace Fairchild." I said and he smiled.

"It is not easy but I am here for you for all that it counts. I want to be here for you. You shouldn't be blaming yourself because this is not because of you. Liz would have made this decision either away. Someone else's choice should not be your guilt, my brother." I said softly and Jace now looked at me.

His eyes were teary and I hugged him tightly. He needed it but so did I. I missed our mother. Nothing made sense. Our father was somehow a serial killer and so was our bigger brother. Our mother was dead because of them and they should be the only one to be blamed. No one else. Especially not someone like Jace. He didn't deserve it.

"I miss her so much." I heard him say and he sobbed. I know that Jace knew our mother since birth. He grew up with her and I knew that Jace had much better and stronger bond with her than I did.

I know that it was killing him inside out because I felt the same way. I couldn't imagine how Jace was feeling if I was feeling this worse by just knowing my mother for a few months... I think it made it worse for me knowing that I didn't have enough time with her... I wanted more of it... I craved for it... I finally had a family and then my own brother was the cause of my mother's death.

If someone would tell me this a few months earlier, I would have laughed. I never thought I would have a family and knowing that some of them were messed up was even further away from my mind. All of this was just insane...

"Let's go inside." I said as I saw that we were in front of the institute. I wiped Jace's tears away and smiled at him. He nodded his head and together we walked inside.

I saw everyone doing their usual thing. I smiled at Izzy who smiled back at me.

"Have you seen Alec?" I asked and I saw how her smile disappeared. I knew they had a fight in the morning but I assumed that they would have made it up by now. They were siblings at the end of the day.#

"I think the head of the institute is in his room." She said annoyed and I looked at her in surprise. I couldn't help but to feel enjoyment. Alec got the position.

"Oh my god, that's amazing." I said and Izzy looked at me.

"Not the things he had done to get it." She said and I frowned.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Like becoming your parabatai." Izzy said cold.

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