Endearment | komahina (COMPLETED)

Past desisions

Walking down the long winding road I continued pointing out different buildings we could visit.
Nagito was beside me as we traveled around not sure where to go.
"I'm so bored." I sighed in deeply.
"Me too." Nagito agreed, the roads were empty and the wind whistled through the ghost street.

It was always windy here, but it makes sense I mean we're right next to the ocean.
"Hey Hajime do you think we could just slow down and sit for a second." I heard Nagito question from behind me. I turned around and he was walking very slow and was pale like a ghost.

"Are you okay?" I asked walking back over to him. He slumped a bit almost tripping over himself even at the slow pace he was traveling.
"Yeah, just I think maybe we should take a break we have been walking around all morning." He explained but that seemed a little strange we had only been walking for about 10 minutes, not all morning like he had said.

We sat down on the side of the road Nagito breathing strangely.
"Are you sure your okay?" I questioned again feeling a bit worried.
"Y-Yeah, jut a bit out of breath. I don't exercise much you know?" He breathed in deeply again finally calming his strange breath making up for it with another excuse.

I wasn't so sure that was the case but who knows, he probably just has a cold or something. I barley move when I'm sick and just want to lay in bed all day. But once I get over it I'm super energized, so he has to be the same right?
I told myself I shouldn't worry to much.

"Can I talk about something personal?" He stretched his arms placing them on the rough ground.
"Yeah of course." I said with a little bit of fear in my voice, I wasn't sure what he was going to say.
"I honestly feel like I don't belong here with you all."
That confused me a little and by a little I mean a lot.

"All of you are so hopeful and talented and I'm here just by good luck." He looked down at that statement his face was buried by his hair, but I already knew he was upset.
"Hey, you have every right to be here as we all do." I smiled lightly putting a hand on his wrist. He winced at my touch, but looked up.
His face had a frown on it which was a little unlike him.

"I still can't....Hajime I'm sorry. About everything I know we've already made up and everything but I just....it was so wrong I can't seem to get over it I guess." His eyes glistened with tears.
I patted his wrist and smiled.
"It's in the past, I mean it's better to move forward than to look bad on something you did right?" He thought about it for a second and nodded his head in agreement slowly.

He breathed in taking in the ocean air.
I did the same trying to mimic him, which ended in a few laughs.
"Should we get going now?" I asked as we looked around silently.

But in all honesty....I didn't want this to end. It was so peaceful just me and him sitting there. I didn't want it to end at all, maybe we could just stay here forever. But of course life had other plans awaiting us. I felt heat building on my face confused at myself I touched my cheek with my other hand that was burning. I had never felt this weird odd feeling with anyone before. I looked over at my hand still on his wrist, but I didn't remove it. I saw his eyes looking over at me in a wondering kind of way.

I let go feeling a rush of confusion. I shifted and stood up as he stared at me not braking his happy gaze.
"I guess we should go..." He nodded trailing off his conversation. What on earth had a just felt.
I brushed it off, I was probably still tired from earlier that dream had really messed me up.

He stood up slowly beginning to walk, I followed behind wondering to myself what had just happened.
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I scribbled on my desk, they weren't anything but lines and dark scribbles from my pens.
I stayed quiet as always not saying a word. Everyone's voices muffled around me as the anxiety kicked in. I was so used to the feeling the rising feeling of fear just for being around kids my age. No wonder I didn't have any friends, I really was a freak.

I stared out the glass window watching the trees sway in the light wind. I just wanted the stupid feeling to go away, why did it always have to be here. I hated it and despised it.
I looked over at all my classmates as the muffled voices became a little clearer.

Finally, I stopped scribbling in my notebook darting my eyes around at all the group of friends in the room. It was still before class and everyone was socializing of course, everyone but me.
I glazed over at the group of boys that were all laughing in a circle.

The one on the end I knew all too well. He sat there half laughing at everything they said only to look down sadly after each story they said.
I was determined to know that he wasn't a bad person. There was no way he had ditched me for those brats. Right?
I just needed a friend and that didn't seem to be happening anytime soon. I thought he would be my friend....but I really guess I was wrong.

I watched the boy who shyly shifted his feet and still had the sad expression pasted on his face.
He had sea foam green eyes and white wavy hair that went down into a tinted pinkish brown. I admired him as much as he hated me. I just wish we could be friends, I thought we were supposed to be friends but I guess not anymore.

He caught sight of me lifting his green eyes at me in my direction. I quickly turned away a rush of heat on my face. It was strange...
Why did I feel like that.
I continued my scribbles as the foggy voices joined back around me.
I heard laugher and then shouting that's when a paper ball got thrown at the back of my head.

It was starting again.

I didn't bother to react this time I just fidgeted with my pencil and looked at the board filled with different assignments.
I felt a hand on my shoulder which yanked me back.
That's when my anxiety sky rocketed, the boy holding on to me had red hair and a twisted smile.

"You think your so funny don't you?" He laughed wickedly.
I didn't say anything.
All of his friends began to walk over including the white haired boy.
He released his grip from my hair as they all circled me. I looked around the room and saw that the teacher wasn't there.
The anxiety was building to a scary level, and I didn't want to be there anymore.

The boys glared at me and smashed me with insults.
"Your no good..."
"You have no talent..."
"Your a freak.."
"Why are you so weird with people."
I looked over at the quiet boy, he didn't say anything at all. He just stared and I could see the sadness in his eyes.
Had I seen that wrong?

No there's no way....he's sad about me?
The main boy slapped me hard as the stinging pain made it all worse. I hadn't expected that today.
I just wanted to look back at the window where the trees swayed quietly and I could see the other students walk around before class started.

Quiet.
Just. no. more. pain.
It was so much stress that I started to cry.
Which of course they made fun of me for.
They clearly didn't understand how it felt. How every day I struggled to even be in the presence of people, even kid's my own age.

The boy looked over at me, looking guilty but not joining in.
"Hey komaeda why don't you join in, let's see what you got to tell him today." They snickered and patted him hard on the back, making his brittle body almost fall over.
"Uh, no thanks guys." He smiled trying to hide his guiltiness.
"What. Why not?" One snapped at him. He quickly retracted his words and stopped talking.

"Okay be that way will just deal with you later. Right faggot?" They laughed pushing him slightly.
His entire smile broke and he held his arms to his chest in embarrassment.
"I'm not like....I just..." He trailed off.
They all kept poking at me and making fun of me and that's when I just stood up and left.

I left and I didn't want to go back.

I didn't want to go back to that rotten place of pain and sadness.