Find me

Read between the lines

The whistle of the kettle startled Sanem from her day reverie; she would often stop, close her eyes and try to feel his breath softly caressing her neck, his hands holding hers, his heart beat while resting on his chest... The past 2 months had been a mix of depressing days spent sleeping and staring out the window or excitement at looking for a solution because there had to be one.

She had called Leyla soon after arriving in Mersin; once again her sister had collapsed to the floor. She had briefed her family about what had happened and despite them begging for her to return, that they would find a solution; she asked them to leave her for the moment, it was too dangerous. Every day she would write Can a letter, to say she loved him and they would be together again; she even put one in a mailbox one day but her dad was hit by a car that same afternoon and the letter dumbed at her front door; message received. She sat on a chair for hours crying and begging the Heavens for her life back. Her family finally realised the level of danger they were facing and accepted her decision to stay where she was and the most painful of all, not to let Can know she was alive.

M: ''Sanem, I promised you I would never lie to you... Can is bad... he is so sad... he gave up on his life since he lost you...'' she heard Sanem sob... ''we miss you too my child, this is unbearable.''

S: ''I know mom! This is unbearable for me but I don't know what to do, they are aware of my every move and I don't even know who THEY are!''

Sanem talked to her mother almost daily, they tried to remain positive and cheerful but often fell back in the despair they were both drowning in.

S: ''I've been writing mom, a lot...''

M: ''this is good my child... that must help you...''

S: ''sometimes...'' tears formed in her eyes again, ''sometimes I forget... I keep writing and then I look up and it's like the yacht explodes and I lose him again... sobs constricted her throat...

M: ''Keep writing Sanem... cherish the memories, the things only you know and they can't take away from you''

They ended the conversation shortly after, promising to talk the next day as they used to. Sanem sat down at the kitchen table facing the window of her small apartment. She closed her eyes and imagined her house, the fields, the horses, the smell of the grass.... the hammock, his hand on her waist when they were walking together... every thought was always bringing her back to him. She picked up her notebook and started reading the last pages she had written, all of it was about the past or the present sadness, her memories, their memories... Sanem froze for a second and remembered her mothers' words: ''the things only you know...'' She opened her laptop and started typing furiously.

H: ''Can?... Can?'' Huma noticed her son was stuck in a stare and gently touched his arm.

C: ''sorry... I was thinking...''

H: ''Can, my dear... have you... have you received any interesting job offer?''

C: ''what?'' he was surprised with her question, she never had showed much interest in his photographic career, ''euh... yes I guess... I always get offers...''

H: ''anything you are tempted to do?''

He looked at her and rolled his eyes on the inside, ''no, not really...''

H: ''Can... I know... I know you hurt right now but maybe if you try to go back to your life from before... it... it may help...'' she heard him sigh... ''I am just looking for ways to help you my dear.''

She wasn't the first one to make this suggestion and he could see why everyone would think that. It had been 6 months now... every day was more painful than the previous one and he was drowning... His agent, Sinan had touched base a couple of times, trying to gage where he was at but had quickly understood Can was in no mental state to go anywhere.