I Can Lift A Car // WTM

Chapter 6: Press Restart

I DYED MY HAIR

Rory read the missed text with surprise. Quinn had left an hour ago, leaving Rory to drown her sorrows in a hot shower. During that shower, it appeared, Nicholas had called her phone twice and upon her not picking up, had texted.

She replied with "???" and set her phone down to get changed. In seconds, however, it began to ring. She ignored it, slightly bitter even though Rory knew she shouldn't be. Nicholas had done nothing to indicate he was at all interested in her in that way. Rory pulled on her softest leggings and a huge hoodie and flopped onto her bed. Deciding she would just have to woman up and get over the tiny crush she had developed, she grabbed her phone. Despite having a way too flirty personality, Rory still liked Nicholas. He was incredibly nice and, although she would never say it to his face, funny. She didn't want her rampant feelings to get in the way of the beginning of a perfectly fine friendship. So she dialed, and he answered immediately.

"Rory!"

"Do you just wait around your phone for me?"

"You flatter yourself." Rory could practically hear him smiling, she could practically see his dimples. "But in this case, yes, maybe."

It was Rory's turn to smile, "What's so urgent?"

"I'VE DYED MY HAIR."

"Jesus, my eardrums."

"My bad. But I've dyed my hair! Gone is the boring brown we all knew and loved."

"Okay. Good for you?" Rory wasn't quite sure what to say, but she never was.

"This is a big deal. It's a change! Nicholas is changing! My rockstar life is getting to me!"

She laughed. "What color have you died it?"

"Well I guess I haven't really died it a color."

"What do you mean?"

"I bleached it."

"You bleached it."

"Yes!"

"Okay, not gonna lie, that actually sounds kinda cool."

"It is cool! ITS PUNK!"

"Shouting again. So when do I get to see it?"

"Now?"

"No way, its like 9 o'clock on a Tuesday. This is my 'mentally prepare for school tomorrow' time.

"Your metaphors can't fool me, Rory. You and I both know that means you're going to read until you pass out."

"Maybe so."

"I'm leaving my house now, see you soon!"

Rory glanced apologetically at the book on her nightstand.

********

Rory waited for him, but it was a whole hour before she was letting a newly bleached-blonde Nicholas into her house. She was glad her parents were gone traveling so she wouldn't have to try and explain this to them.

Clad in a thick, multi-colored sweater and his wire rim glasses, Rory really had to fight the butterflies in her stomach from starting up upon seeing Nicholas again. She almost wanted to close the door in his face and crawl under her covers. Instead, she smiled, welcoming the boy into her home and stuffing her hands in the pockets of her jumper.

"It looks really good." He was decently taller than she was, causing her to look up at him as she spoke.

"Thanks." He smiled but it was weak; his eyes didn't crinkle like they had nearly every minute she had known him, and the dimples she loved to stare at were starkly absent.

"So, do you want to come up to my room or wh-" The boy was suddenly in her arms, face buried in her shoulder. Rory froze, completely thrown off. She had absolutely no idea how to handle this. Just as she began to pat his back awkwardly, she felt his shoulders begin to shake. Omygod, he's crying, she thought. Not that Rory had anything against boys who cried. In fact, she thought boys really ought to be able to express their emotions fully without judgment, especially in this day and age. But this wasn't the time to get lost amongst thought tunnels. She wrapped her arms around him and tried to think of what to say.

"I'm sorry- I shouldn't have come, I-"
He spoke into her hair, sniffling a little.

"Hey, no. Its okay. It's okay."

He hugged her tighter, shoulders shaking harder at her words. They stood there for a few moments, her front door open and arms full of a crying boy.

When he calmed down slightly, Rory led him upstairs to her room and sat him down on her bed. She sat beside him, facing his profile, and crossed her legs underneath herself.

"Nick. Hey, you're gonna be okay."

He turned towards Rory and she felt her heart break inside her chest. His eyes were red and wet behind his glasses; evergreen smile absent from his lips as salty tears lingered on his cheeks.

She pulled him into an embrace again, smoothing his hair as she held him.

"Rory. It's just so difficult." He pulled back after a moment, removing his glasses and wiping his eyes.

"What is?"

"Me. Everything. I'm so fucking sad, but I can't be sad. I'm Nicholas, I'm happy and funny and nothing is ever wrong. But I'm tired." His words came haltingly, as if he didn't really know how to say everything that was in his head, begging to be let out.

"Its okay to not be okay. No one really is all the time."

"Erikas going to break up with me. She doesn't want the version of me with baggage. She wants the me like since when we met in kindergarten." He looked down at his hands, "We had an argument. After I talked to you. I dyed my hair because I'm just so stuck. Stuck with this me who isn't what everyone wants. So I dyed it, and it felt good- the change. But she showed up when I was leaving. She couldn't understand why I get in these- these ruts. I don't understand it. I want to be me. But it's so tiring. I'm so tired." He inhaled deeply, but didn't look up.

Rory almost wanted to cry for him, but she wasn't a crier, and that wouldn't do him any good. He needed someone to hold steady.

"Nicholas, look at me," He met her eyes, "You're going to be okay. You could lift a fucking car up, Okay? All by yourself." She paused before continuing, "You don't have to be anything you're not. This will pass. Everyone, and theres a lot of people, who truly cares about you wouldn't want you to put yourself through this."

"But Erika-"

"No 'but Erika.' She might not get this right now but like I said, if she really loves you she'll come around. Don't listen to her right now, you can't be someone you're not. And you sure as hell shouldn't have to hide your emotions for her, either."

Rory just wanted to comfort the boy beside her and make things alright. But she knew that wasn't up to her, all she could do was be there and listen. So they sat together in silence, the moment washing over and within them.

Some time passed before Nicholas spoke, "Thank you, Rory."

"Of course. We're friends, remember?"

He smiled weakly.

"Your hair really does look cool."

He reached up to touch it, as if he had forgotten it was there.

"Can I ask you a question?" She spoke again.

"Sure."

"Why me? You have your best friends, who I know must be closer to you than some girl you met last Sunday."

He was quiet for a moment. "You feel easy. I don't really know how, but it feels like I've known you for ages, I think we get each other."

"I think so too."

"I liked what you said earlier."

"What?"

"I can lift a car up, all by myself."

As he wrapped his arms around her again, Rory felt like maybe something had just changed between them. But she simply hugged back, closing her eyes and forgetting everything else.