After we begrudgingly let one another go, we settled for separate showers. Jason first, then myself. I looked down to find my scars were still very much there, and I very much hadn't been completely honest with Jason about them yet despite being intimate. I almost felt like I should, because as good as it felt to have his hands all over me in my shirt, I knew there would come a time when he'd want more. I'd want more. We'd want to be normal; Something obviously neither of us felt like we were in previous relationships. What is it that's blocking me? He's obviously nuts about me if I freeze up on him the first night we try to be intimate, and he doesn't run at the sight of my panties.
I ran over the options until the water ran cold, stepping out without a solid answer. All I knew was right now it felt like I was protecting what we had by not putting all that on him right now. I was happy, and so was he. Isn't that what matters? He deserves to know the truth though. And you deserve the peace of mind. Fuck. That voice in my head was right. I knew what I had to do, even if I wasn't thrilled about it. And trust me, I wasn't.
When I walked out into the kitchen, Jason had already fired up the Keurig and had two cups of coffee prepped.
"I hope you don't mind. I figured after that performance we could both use some caffeine." Jason handed me my cup, unbeknownst that it was my favorite one.
It was just an off grey ceramic cup with random spaced grooves, but it was part of a set my dad had bought me when I got my first place. "Thanks babe...ahhh" I should've known sitting down was a bad idea. "God damn, Jason, you took feeling you all day to heart."
Jason laughed. "Still not sorry."
Neither was I. I mixed a little creamer and sugar into my coffee and took a long sip. "I'm pleasantly sore. Won't be using that dildo for some time I think."
"Hopefully because you'll be using my cock instead. Though I'd like to watch you play with it sometime. I'll show you mine if you show me yours" Jason, looked up from his own coffee cup with arched brows and winked.
I almost spit out my drink in excitement and awe. "You have a dildo?" I don't know why it shocked me, but it did. He just didn't strike me as a guy who would bottom.
Jason nodded, taking a draw of his coffee. "I've been single a long time, babe. It doesn't feel quite as good as I'm sure your cock would, but it does the trick when I want it."
I slumped back in my chair feeling the heat of embarrassment preluding what I was about to say. "I've uh...I've never topped before, Jason."
Jason didn't even so much as raise a suspicious eyebrow, which put me at ease. "Have you ever wanted to, though?"
It might seem strange, but I'd never really mulled it over that much. I've always dated manly men who 'top only'. "I've been curious, but I've never dated anyone who made it an option. And I have always loved being a bottom so..." I was what I considered more sensitive than most, often getting off from prostate stimulation alone like I had with Jason.
"You do have a hot little ass." Jason smiled at me until I smiled back, lightening the mood. "We never have to, but if you're ever curious babe, I swing both ways in that ball park."
There was a comfort I felt with him in that moment I didn't know existed. I'd only know this man for 2 weeks, yet I felt like we'd been at least friends in a prior life. He just seemed to get me, as cliché as it sounds. If I didn't know that I needed to find a way to trust myself enough to trust him with the darkest parts of me already, I did now. "Hey, babe. I wanted to tell you that I'm going back home for a few days after next weekend. Don't worry, I'm not asking you to come meet my parents."
Jason laughed, stretched back in his chair looking stunning and recently well fucked, even though he was the one doing the fucking. "You're silly. Doing anything special?"
I nodded. "I am. Well, I was just going for a visit, but...I'm going to tell you this and I need you to not worry. Ok?"
Jason nodded his head in agreement.
"I'm going to visit a therapist that worked with my family after the sudden loss of my father. I need a little guidance on some things within me so I can be the best man I can be for you. Because you deserve nothing less." Ok, the therapist part was only half true. It was the therapist I saw after the attack, and who my mom saw after my dad's death. When you live in small-town Oklahoma, the local therapist covers it all.
Jason let out an even breath. "I understand. Like I said, whatever you need to deal with on your own, I support you. I really care about you Aiden. You make me feel things I didn't think were possible for me anymore." He stepped forward and ran his hand back into my hair. His smile crept wider as I turned my head into his touch and purred.
"Thank you, Jason." I cupped his waist in my palm and leaned in to kiss him. "Just...thank you."
YOU ARE READING
Scars and SouvenirsRomance
Aiden Wares is a 34 year old mailman currently residing in Orlando, but was born in Oklahoma. After the end of a relationship left him permanently scared inside and out, he soon after loses his father and decides on a fresh start with his sizable in...