Wednesday was the first morning I didn't wake up covered in sweat. I'd managed to work and look like I was leading my normal boring life to the naked eye, but when I shut the blinds at night, I was a wreck. I'd always been a loner here, but I never felt lonely. Now I did. To make matters worse, Jason had texted me earlier to check in on me and tell me that he cares for me. You'd think that's a good thing, but honestly, I would have almost felt better if he laid into me and tossed me aside. At least then I wouldn't be day dreaming about falling into his arms. Touching his sexy hair. Kissing his sexy lips.
Could I really do that again? Could I even chance going through what we went through Saturday again and again in front of him? Every part of me told me to forget him and focus on myself, but I'd done that for years and look where it got me. Maybe this was the part of me I needed someone to help me fix. But why...why does it have to be Jason? Why couldn't I land me some so-so guy to warm myself up on? And what the hell exactly am I trying to fix here? Why am I just sitting here staring into this glass of wine and talking to myself?
There had to be some sort of compromise here. Someway I could get comfortable enough to lug my baggage in but not open it. Even if there was though, I can't pretend that THAT didn't happen. It felt a little bit like the damage had been done. I'd give anything to have walked the other way around the table and left with a kiss goodnight. Maybe then I'd have had time to think these possibilities over. But I fell right into his lap and for a moment, I was as comfortable as I had ever been until my shirt came off, and the scars came out. It wasn't how Jason looked at them, or even the fact that he looked twice. There was nothing damning in those eyes. If anything, he looked like he wanted to rub them as if they still hurt. What it was though, was those words I thought I'd forgotten. No one's gonna want you now.
Jason did want me though. I could tell by the way his jeans were barely containing his seemingly massive cock. I just couldn't get the things I thought could be going through his head out of my head. I hadn't been able to all week, and it was tearing me apart. I slugged back the rest of my wine and went for more when my phone started vibrating. It was Jason. Not like this. I can't yet. I hit ignore and let it go to voice mail and started to prepare a text to explain to him that I needed more time when his own text came through.
Please pick up, Aiden. I just need to tell you I'm sorry if I did anything wrong.
My heart sank down into my stomach. Sure, I knew Jason hadn't done anything wrong, but in my woe is me stupor I hadn't even thought that he didn't know that. Hell, if someone had up and bounced on me after asking to see my cock two minutes prior, I'd think I did something wrong too. I set the wine bottle down, opted for a bottle of water and took a deep breath. You have to do this Aiden. It's not all about you anymore.
"Aiden." Jason couldn't hide the relief in his voice. "I'm so..."
I cut him off before he could even begin to apologize. "You've nothing to be sorry for, Jason. I should have known the first time could hit its snags. I should have been smarter and slower."
Jason sighed. "But I made the first move. I could've just let you up out of my lap and I wouldn't be worried sick about losing you right now."
My stomach hurt even more. "I've been selfish, Jason. If anyone should be sorry it's me. I wasn't the only one in the room. I've never had that happen before because honestly, you're the only one who's ever seen them outside my family. It's a long story that I'm not strong enough to go into."
"I understand." Jason sounded genuine. "I know we can't just forget it, but I still want to see you Aiden. Call it premature if you want, but I care about you. And there's things you need to know about me and things I want to know about you. I just wanted you to hear it directly from me."
I was going to cry. There was no use in fighting it. "You're really not going to give up on me, are you?" I swallowed hard, trying to dam the river a little while longer.
"No, Aiden. You're worth fighting for. What I felt with you is real, and I know you felt it too." It sounded like he was holding back his own river of emotion. "Whatever you need to deal with on your own, I understand. I won't intrude. I just want to see you. See where this thing goes."
"I think...as scary as it is, I want to start facing those things with you. And I want to do more than see you, Jason. I want to be intimate with you." For the first time in three days my cock tried to perk up.
"I want that too, of course. But, Aiden...there's no three-date-rule with me. Please know that."
I really did have to land myself prince charming right out of the gate. "I appreciate that. I'm really sorry it didn't go well the first time but I'm confident we can work around it. And in the meantime, I'd love to see you. I miss you."
Jason let out a sigh that sounded like relief this time. "I miss you too. I want to give you more time though too. Are you free Friday night?"
It was as if he read my mind. I definitely needed a few days to come to terms with what going through with this relationship, was going to take. "I am. Maybe we can hang out at my place and I'll cook for you. I love to cook, and it'll help keep me calm."
"Sounds great, sweet thing. I know that is your long shift so, 7 o'clock?"
"Perfect. Balsamic chicken with red potatoes and garden salad good with you?" I could already feel some life coming back into my body at the thought of showing off my cooking skills.
Jason chuckled. "Seriously, Aiden. Marry me."
YOU ARE READING
Scars and SouvenirsRomance
Aiden Wares is a 34 year old mailman currently residing in Orlando, but was born in Oklahoma. After the end of a relationship left him permanently scared inside and out, he soon after loses his father and decides on a fresh start with his sizable in...