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Things were fun. I had been having a lot of fun with Loki. He came and stayed with me at the tower and I was glad. After months of dating, however, I was ready to do more with him. To be more with him.

You can have all the sex in the world. After a while of doing it, it kind of loses its meaning. It stops being a way to say 'I love you'. I wouldn't stop doing it with him though. It's fun. He even occasionally lets me dominate him.

Over the last 7 days we have done it... 6 times? We have a day off every week. But sometimes, like right now, I just need to breathe.

Currently, I am at a cafe. I tend to avoid bars. He doesn't like it when I get drunk. It makes him mad and then we fight and then its me who has to sleep on the couch. I don't get to sleep in my own bed when we fight. Sometimes I think he has a superiority complex, then I remember that I also have one. I feel like we are a giant ego when put together. But, I do love him.

So, as I said, I am in a cafe. I have a latte because I'm 'banned' from espressos by Bruce. He says that instead of living on coffee, I should actually sleep. I do sleep. I've been doing a lot better with it. But nightmares always find their way into you're brain when you're caught off guard. I will have three good nights of sleep and then one night where I am tossing and turning, and sweating, and crying, and wailing. One night where Loki wakes me up and holds me close. He squeezes me and lets me know it was just a dream and that I am okay. Of course, I can tell the difference between a dream and reality when I am awake. Yet, when I am asleep everything is so real. The fear is real. The stress is real. The dream is real.

Coffee never tasted so weak. I feel tired. The light has gone from the day. Its only 6:30. Its winter. Its cold. I want to go home. But I don't want to leave the security of the shop. I do it anyway. I leave, knowing that as soon as I get home I will be greeted by dinner and then a talk. I don't want to do the talk. I don't want the dinner. I stopped eating. I'm wasting away.

My phone buzzes. I look over to it and see that Loki is calling me. I let it go to voicemail. He calls me again. And again. And again. I cant stay any more.

So I pick up my coffee and leave. I get into my car and drive home. It's dark and I can barely see where I am going, but autopiolet kicks me and I end up driving in the right direction anyway. It's warm. I can feel the warmth radiating off the house.

The door to my house is a lot different to what I had when it was just mine. Now its all friendly. Homely. Its brown and polished. Made from campfer wood or mahogany, I can't remember. I don't care much about the door. I just care that it's heavy. I struggle to open it with two hands when I have to push it, and entering the house is pulling. Loki always laughs at me for struggling with it, but for some reason we got a fire door instead of a regular one. Nevermind.

The inside of the house is how I imagined it. All decorated. You'd have thought it was some special occasion. But no. It's just the middle of November. I enjoy holidays. Christmas is next. I wonder what I will be given.

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