When his nausea subsided, Ace looked at the chaos surrounding them. A downed helicopter teemed with rescue workers. Elvis impersonators ran wild, fighting with police and each other. A crater the size of a washing machine smoldered in the corner of the property from where Ivan's dazzler exploded a few hours ago.
Near the crater, Ace recognized a familiar face wrestling with an Elvis impersonator dressed in a rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuit. April Massey, the KFC cashier, dragged the impersonator by the arm towards Elvis Presley Boulevard.
"Hey, April!" Ace called out and ran across the lawn to meet her.
"Ace? Why the hell are you dressed like a stripper cop?" April said.
Ace ignored the question but felt self-conscious about the tightness of his borrowed cop pants.
"What are you doing here?" Ace asked.
"Oh. You know. Trying to get my dipshit brother here from going to jail, that's all." April smacked the Elvis impersonator on the back of his head.
"Ow!" the man yelped.
"Yeah, Barry, ow!" April said as she gave him another whack on the back of the head. "The show got canceled. Billy kept raising hell about a monkey hitting him in the nose. I figured you guys got into some kind of fight. He's kind of a dick so I wouldn't blame you. I figured you just split after popping him one. But Billy wouldn't shut up about the monkey. He went nuts when no one would believe him. One thing led to another, and the bartender had to call the cops. Only the cops told him they weren't coming because a bunch of Elvis impersonators were rioting in front of Graceland. And I knew my dipshit brother would be there. I just knew it!"
She hit Barry in the head again. "So, I came down here and sure as shit. Here's Barry!"
"You don't understand, Sis. He needs our help!" Barry said as he tried to pull away from April. She tightened her grip and pulled him back closer to her.
"No way, Jose!" April said. "How much weed did you smoke today? What the hell is wrong with you, Barry? A freaking police helicopter just crash-landed at Graceland. We need to get out of here." April smacked Barry on the head again.
"I'm not sure he can help it," Ace said to April.
"The impersonators. I don't think they can help themselves," Ace said. "Come on, let me show you something."
Ace turned to lead April back towards the Cadillac, but it was gone.
"What the—where'd it go?" Ace asked.
"Where'd what go?" April asked.
"The Cadillac! The Eldorado Biarritz. It was right over there." Ace pointed to where the car sat moments before, but in its place, three Elvis impersonators were pummeling a cop.
"Dude. Are you smoking reefer, too?" April asked. "What the hell is going on here tonight?"
An explosion erupted from the far side of the mansion. Barry grunted, wrenching himself away from April, and took off running.
"Barry!" April sprinted after Barry leaping over a pair of wrestling Elvis impersonators in the process.
Ace was about to follow when someone behind him yelled, "Eat it, pig!"
An Elvis impersonator in a skin-tight black leather suit tackled Ace, knocking him to the ground. Ace rolled onto his back and used his legs to throw the impersonator off with a sharp kick.
Black Leather Elvis squealed as he launched twenty feet into the air. His arms and legs flailed around looking for purchase, but there was nothing but empty space until he crashed into a tree with a sickening thump.
YOU ARE READING
Ace Tucker Space TruckerScience Fiction
Ace Tucker thinks Earth can eat a turd sandwich... Ace Tucker is a man who was raised in outer space and taught how to be human by a Russian cyborg chimpanzee. He earns a living as a rock-and-roll roadie and cargo hauler for the greatest band in the...