Habits are first cobwebs, then cables+chapter1

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I tapped my cigarette out on the thick wall behind me, my fingers trembling somewhat because of the strong breeze that was picking up in the cool air. I've been waiting for twenty minutes now, usually Rob's on time, but not today. Today was the day he supposedly was going to propose to his girlfriend of six months, I bet she says no. It's not that Rob isn't the sort of guy you'd want to marry, it's just he's a street type of man. He's never at home with his girlfriend, or even on the phone with her, all because of Daniel Wogan.

Daniel's the town's drug dealer, he's forty and crime is attached to his mind, everyone knows who he is but everyone seems to stay clear. He's been to prison more than once but the people who put him into that hell hole aren't always safe. That's probably why no-one dares call the cops on him, he's out of sight most of the time but always on the look out for new hostages. Well, I call them hostages but they're basically the people that Daniel thinks will be vulnerable to buy drugs. Example...

 Me.

But Daniel isn't the one who got me into this addiction, it was Rob. Rob's my best friend, he used to be the funniest guy you'd ever know, he loved talking to people and was such a smart arse at school. But then he met Daniel. The big Daddy as some people like to call him, but I don't give him that kind of satisfaction.

 Rob never hurt anyone, he had a kind soul until prom night that is. Daniel caught him drunk on the streets walking home from our annual school prom (which is not my kind of thing) not any plan to hurt anyone, he was just having fun like any teenager would do on their prom night. Daniel persuaded him to buy a bag of heroin, even I didn't believe Rob bought it when he told me the story but he did. He bought the disgusting white powder, not having a care in the world in his pitiful drunken state. He was never the type to do something such as that, he daren't even take a swig of an alco-pop he was that much of a saint. So him buying drugs was a surprise to me.

It played with his mind, in a short period of time he was feeling tired, didn't have a clue of his surroundings and that's when misery washed over him. Ever since then Rob's always stocked drugs like heroin and crack in his back pocket. He met Keeley, his girlfriend 2 months later. She's accepted him as he is, a drug addict. Keeley's the kind of girl you'd see naked on the bar in a club or on page 3 of the daily newspaper, maybe that's why she hasn't given up on Rob,she probably needs him more than he needs her.

Keeley's a wild one at times and not even her friends can control her. Once she blatantly stalked Rob around midnight just because she missed him. I know most girls will be shaking their heads and smiling foolishly at her from that comment but you have no idea  how much trouble she could have got into if Rob happened to bump into Daniel, I bet Daniel would take about 30 seconds to get her to stick a needle in her arm.

Now I know your probably thinking what a goon I am for even being tempted into taking anything that could harm me in any way but Rob's convincing at times when he's not at his worst and I guess I just needed a healing. Something to make me feel less like crap. I feel my shitty old self most of the time, memories flooding my system full of smiles and love. The thing is, I've put a barrier up against myself to keep me away from everything that would make me the least bit happy, sometimes I have to turn down Cheerios's for breakfast just because it could put a  gleam on my face from the title of it.

I didn't have that barrier three years ago, when Lisa Valentine was my girlfriend. I mean, I've always socialized with the wrong people through no fault of my own, it's just my friends happen to have bad connections and history. I drank alcohol at the age of 13, and im not just talking about that one drop of wine I was allowed to taste on Christmas. I'm talking about real alcohol, stealing vodka from shops to satisfy my sad body.

 But Lisa seemed to make the dark side of me turn bright, her perfect white smile drove away my worries and just seeing her fair, flawless face surrounded by that beautiful golden hair made me chuckle like a fool. Her eyes were the core of her obvious beauty though, they were aqua-coloured, a magnificent shade of ocean blue that made your heart tighten just thinking about them. She was everything to me, the one person who let me be myself and didn't expect anything from me but love. She was the reason I got up in the morning or even bothered to go to school. But then she left me, exactly like my Mother did to my father only less dramatic since we were in high school.

She told me nothing was working out well and she didn't think she could stand to get one more nasty comment from her friends about me. She was embarrassed of me, she should have just told me straight instead of explaining in detail why she wanted to be with me but honestly couldn't take that chance. As if my Mum leaving me wasn't enough, my girlfriend, the one I thought I loved with a firey passion just made me crumble even more.

 All happiness I had died that day.

And ever since, I've been a waste of space for everyone, drugs were my only solution to the amount of hurt felt inside.

''Fuck it.'' I whispered to myself through the black night, the vivid street light leading a luminous path down the road for me to follow.

 If Rob didn't want to show up, fine by me. We were supposed to be doing a deal, he told me he'd bring some of the good stuff for me to get my hands on, he knows how badly I need it. Every urge in my body is aching for a shot, even just the slightest bit.

I sighed in front of me, causing a mist of my foggy breath to form, making a pattern along the air. I dumped my cigarette on the side of the road and carried on walking, my pace picking up as I got to the corner. I could stay out as long as I like since my Dad's never home, his work means more to him than his own flesh and blood.

Everyone thinks I have it easy, the perfect rich boy who gets whatever he wants, when he wants it. They don't know the half of it, looks can be deceiving. Just because my house, car and area where I live show one thing doesn't mean the things I'm feeling inside or how I'm living my life are the same.

 My life may look like a dream, a perfect fantasy for any 17 year old but it's not in any way. My credit card pays for everything, my Dad just tops it up when it runs out so it's pretty much everlasting but that doesn't mean im spending it on things I need most. About 99.5% of that money goes towards drugs and alcohol. I hardly have any clothes because of the money I spend on something so addictive, apart from a few jackets and 2 pairs of jeans I pretty much live off of my Dad's wardrobe, or whatever he has left in it anyway. 

My Dad's owns four higher class hotels around London, that's where the money comes from. He's too busy protecting his bank and wallet to care what the hell I'm up to at home. I should probably mention I live in Brighton, grown and raised here as a kid. We live in the well-off part of Brighton. Beyond the fairground and hot dog stands that bring the smell of pure delight, although I wish I could live there.

My Dad's actually forcing me to move out by my twentieth birthday, which technically isn't that far along the line. He wants me to start a life, children, a wife and  probably a dog. I don't think that will happen, not in this world anyway. I barely have any friends who are girls and the ones I do have are addicts like me. I'd like to think for even just a second that I could some how get out of this and live a normal life. That's what I hope, but hopes fade right?

Maybe there's more to life than sex, drugs and alcohol. Then again maybe not.

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