Nerdy Girl Seeks Canadian Bad Boy

Lenny, Sal, and Weirdos

August 2015

"My online profile doesn't actually include the words, 'bad boy.'"

"It should, Lenny! You need some danger in your life."

"Sal. I'm starting over my entire existence with a new career in a different country where the only people I know are my landlord and my coworkers. I don't need to add any more instability into this situation."

"Reframe. We sold our company, you are flu-hush with ca-hash, and you are running a venture capital firm in Toronto, the capital of the happiest and coldest and nicest place on Earth. Different country? Pshaw. Canada is basically America's attic."

"Okay, no. Ottawa is the capital. Yes, my newfound tax bracket does make the transition easier, but do you know anything about Canada that isn't an inaccurate stereotype?"

"Bacon. Hockey. Moose and squirrel."

"Thank goodness you are on the phone in L.A. and not standing in front of me, embarrassing us both."

"Are you at the restaurant yet?"

"I got here a half hour early--"

"Of course you did."

"--so I'm waiting outside."

"In the freezing snow?!"

"It's August, Sal."

"And?"

"Why didn't I send you to voicemail?"

"Because you love me. Because you're nervous, Lenny Len Len. Because you need me, your BFF in business and in life, to encourage you to take a risk and find some peen."

"Are we still saying 'peen' in our 30s?"

"Have you gotten any up there yet? Isn't this your third date? Time to get busy with some weirdos up north."

"It is my third first date. Three different guys. The other two were fine, respectable. This one, he's funny, with his messages and the phone calls we've had are so... I should keep my expectations low."

"You should. Men are trifling. Lucky for me, I'm pan."

"And I'm embarrassingly straight, so I am well versed in the disappointing nature of male human beings. But this one, we make each other laugh, and he's into quirky TV shows like I am, and he seems like he's..."

"Yes...?"

"He's here. He's early."

"Not just on time? Len, you two are MFEO. I'm planning the wedding. Tell me what to wear as your maid of honor. I'm envisioning a wool ski mask and a gown made entirely out of flannel."

"Goodbye, Sal."