home ; chapter seventeen - lost

31 2 10
                                                  

Kahit na nahihirapan ako ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na pumasok pa rin sa trabaho. Kaya naman, nandito ako ngayon sa SM Entertainment, writing in my studio.

As usual, hindi nagtagal ay sinugod nanaman ako ng isa sa mga artists dito. It was, this time, Winter.

She shyly waved at me before bowing, kaya naman ay kahit iritable ako'y nginitian ko rin siya pabalik. I gestured for her to come in and then sit down next to me so she did.

"What happened?" I asked, and then she smiled softly before speaking.

"I notice you've been closed off lately. Hindi mo masyadong makasama sina Lay. May nangyari ba?" Tanong niya, and I stopped writing for a second.

I slowly looked at her, and then shrugged.

"Ayos lang naman ako. Pwede namang-" sabi ko, but then I blinked rapidly nang maramdaman kong sumakit ang tyan ko. "Aish. It's here again. Nagugutom ako."

She pouted, her brows raising. She then stood up, kaya naman sinundan ko siya ng tingin.

"Do you want to eat with us? Hurricane? Kakain kami sa may Fiery Castle," sabi ni Winter, but I gave her a smile dahil ibang panlasa ang gusto ko.

"I... no, thank you. I think I'd like avocado ice cream. And... spicy," sabi ko, and she dropped her jaw.

She covered her mouth, blinking rapidly, kaya naman ay tinignan ko siya ng nawiwirduhan. Bakit?

"Bakit?" I asked, and then she leaned in closer before whispering.

"That's weird. Are you pregnant?" She whispered, and I widened my eyes before shaking my head.

"N-No! Bakit naman?" Tanong ko, and  then she just shrugged before walking away.

I sighed, gripping on my head nang makalabas na siya. Nakakainis! Ano ba ito?

Ilan na silang nagsasabi sa akin na buntis ako, pero hindi ko naman alam kung paano akong mabubuntis! Hindi naman kami nag-

Shit.

SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

Woozi's hands roamed around my body, and then kissed me passionately. My eyes were half closed due to the pleasure I felt.

"Can I come in or out?" He asked, and I just hummed.

"Whatever, I love you," I said, and then he kissed me before we continued.

"I'm gonna love you until my last breath, Freya Santillan,"

I screamed, at sinabunutan ang sarili ko. AHHH!

NAKAKAINIS! SO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT NA PAREHAS KAMING WALANG MAALALA! AISH!

Pero... paano na? Ano nang gagawin ko? Anong gagawin ko, ngayong wala na siya?

Woozi, bakit kailangang mangyari to?

Bigla naman na tinawagan ako ni Marione, so I answered it immediately.

"Hey, why the sudden call?" I asked, and then I heard her sigh from the other line.

"Winter told me. Sabay kaming naglalunch kanina, but then she mentioned na you were craving for something weird and she thinks you're pregnant. I scheduled an appointment with a friend of mine. Susunduin na kita. Magpapacheck up tayo, sa ayaw at sa gusto mo." Sabi niya, and I felt tears streaming down my face.

"Pero, si Woozi... Hindi ko... Aish. I remember everything now. We did do something one night. But what now if I'm pregnant? I don't have him," sabi ko naman sa kanya, but she went silent for a few seconds.

"Oh. Woozi told me you two didn't do anything. But still, we're gonna go, okay?"  Said Marione, making me sigh.

"F-Fine. But if I am, I don't want to-"

"Would you really want your baby to have a broken family? Do you want your child to live the same way you did because of your parents?" Pagsabi na pagsabi ni Marione nun ay hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko.

She was right.

I never want my child to live the same way I did. I never want my child to experience the same experiences I did.



"Congratulations, Miss Santillan! You're three weeks pregnant. Where's the father?" Tanong nung doctor, and I bit my lower lip as I suppressed my tears.

Three weeks.

What do I do?



Nauwi na ako sa bahay at nakahiga sa bed ko. Nakatitig lang ako sa kisame, thinking about what Woozi might think of me after he finds out.

Shall I tell him? Sasabihin ko ba?

I blinked rapidly at tila sumakit ang puso ko nang magperform na ang Seventeen sa music show na pinapanood ko ngayon.

Home.

They're singing Home.

"What can I do if I don’t have you?
Like a worn out robot
My heart is stopped and is always cold
What can we do? If you don’t have me, yeah

Baby, I want to treasure our warmth just as it is
No one can loosen our relationship
Tell me you, who are mine
Tell me you, who are mine
Tell me inside of me I’m struggling inside your heart
I’m suddenly afraid,"

I thought no one could loosen our relationship, but it turned out that trust did.

Trust loosened us from each other.

Or maybe we were just too scared to lose one another. After all, we were both people who weren't that good with others.

"What can I do if I don’t have you?
My heart doesn't have a comfortable house to lean on, oh baby
My heart is left empty for you
If you look at it, it may be difficult
Anytime, I will always be standing here
You can think of it in a comfortable way

Cause’ I’m your home, home, home, home
Cause’ I’m your home, home, home, home
Cause’ I’m your home, home, home, home
The place where you can cry
The place where you can come,"

Saan ako uuwi? Saan ang tahanan na inuuwian ng mga puso namin?

Ano nalang ang gagawin namin? What do we do without each ther?

"It already feels like I have out run your heart right now
But that doesn’t mean that your heart is small
It’s still cold outside and the tip of my nose is cold
Our memories, which allow us to come together even from afar
If a hole forms in your heart
Then you can block it with your two hands
Even if it’s an empty hand, extend it
I’ll fill it up

Tell me you, who are mine
Tell me you, who are mine
Tell me inside of me
Inside your heart (inside your heart)
I’m struggling inside your heart I’m suddenly afraid,"

I clenched my fists. The way he performed on stage told me he was singing it with his whole heart.

Does he miss me the way I miss him?

"What can I do if I don’t have you?
My heart doesn’t have a comfortable house to lean on, oh baby
My heart is left empty for you
If you look at it, it may be difficult
Anytime, I will always be standing here
You can think of it in a comfortable way

I don’t want to send you away like this
With your heart shattered
I don’t want to always be afraid
I’m someone who you can come to
You’re someone who I can go to

Cause’ I’m your home, home, home, home
Cause’ I’m your home, home, home, home
Because you’re my home, home, home, home
The place where you can cry
The place where I can also cry,"

You're still my home, Woozi, but right now, I can't find my way home.

What can we do?

home ♡ lee jihoonTahanan ng mga kuwento. Tumuklas ngayon